...will find me.

I'd say I'm getting pretty anxious right about now because I am anticipating the worse about what will happen (or not happen) when I call dude who I'm supposed to call when I get back to the A. What if he is like "Why are you calling me?" or something like that. How am I supposed to deal with that? Well I got a little reminder today about something I used to know. That guy, you know, the guy for me, will find me. I've been searching a bit I know. Well, I've decided to stop all of that. In this particular situation I swear the guy found me, but how can I know since I was slizzard, which is part of why I hate the fact that I was. Is it so wrong for me to want this to go how I want it to go: I call, he answers, we hang out numerous times before he goes back to school? That's how it should go right. I've probably thought about it so much that I've jinxed it unfavorably. What is a girl to do tho? I know, I'm supposed to already know that I'm on point and he should be sitting there thinking about me, wondering where the hell I am and when he can see me again... but does that EVER happen with someone I'm genuinely interested in? I must say that I have done quite well with being surfacely cool about this situation and we hope the coolness will continue when I get to the A... but yall know sometimes I don't be knowing how to act! Cool is a characteristic of mine that sometimes backfires when it comes to a male interest. I have reminded myself though that in this particular case if I keep my guard up I will lose nothing if he decides to discard the idea of hanging out with me or whatever. If I would take the focus off of this pathetic area of my life I would see that it's mostly great. God really has my back on most levels, even this one I know but I guess I haven't been agreeing with many of his maneuvers. It is what it is though.

Ciao.