'America'nization

I was so upset about a video that was shown in one of my Social and Cultural Education class that I had to walk out before it was over. I'm not upset that my teacher showed it, because I do believe it needed to be seen. It's just that I found it to be so sickening.

The video was about "Indian Boarding Schools" part of the Americanizing (Late 1800's early 1900's) of Native American children where they would get children from their tribes and send them to schools far from home in an effort to whitewash their native culture. Their hair was cut. They were not allowed to speak their tribal language or practice any of their customs. The idea was to 'civilize' these 'savages' and assimilate them into American culture. One thing that pisses me off is that Native Americans were here first and they did not ask these Europeans for admittance into their society. It was nauseating to see these children forced to dis-identify with their culture in order to be American, so that the 'paleface' could limit or eliminate the 'threat' of Native Americans. I was sitting there like what the hell? but what really got me was my further consideration of things.

The Europeans did this to the Native Americans, and (along with the Trail of Tears) it resulted in the disappearance of many tribes and drastic reduction of other Native American nations. What further pisses me off is that Blacks were not thought of highly enough to be considered as a threat and God forbid that the United States back then would have made it National policy to educate 'the Negro', to put a book in his hand, to lift the shackles of ignorance. No, we 'Negroes' were considered monkeys, less than people. On the one hand I am deeply upset at what America's past and human sin and ignorance has done to Native Americans. On the other hand I can't help but observe that they still HAVE a culture. They had culture before the 'paleface' tried to take it away, even though now their culture is also mixed with discrimination, oppression and wrongs against them. As far as African Americans are concerned, the greater part of our culture has been formed completely in reaction to all of the discrimination and oppression we've faced and that still reverberates through the generations of many families today who are still impoverished, uneducated, fatherless and can't even IMAGINE a better life let alone think its possible. I mean, African America is still trying to grasp and hold on to a culture... look at the state of Hip Hop today. Ooh I wanna write more but I have to go.
Posted on 2.22.2007 at 1:38 PM

2.14.2007

God, how do I just stop wanting something I've wanted for such a long time? Can't I for once meet the man of my dreams and I be his dream? Or maybe you're trying to tell me that there is no man-of-my-dreams in existence. You know what I want and what I need, so maybe I should trust that you know what You're doing. It's just that I'm so tired of coming home to myself and taking myself. Maybe, though, your instant fizzling of every guy I show interest in is a way of hurting me upfront and therefore sparing deeper hurt later. Each time it happens I'm all the more ungrateful because with each failure I feel even more like God crossed me. How could he leave me hanging out here without a Mr. Fabulous? I want a companion. I want to be someone's help meet... apparently God doesn't want that for me right now. I'm trying to be at peace with that but honestly it just upsets me.

Is Jesus invited to the party?

In all of my sudden zest to take care of home here on earth I left my budding relationship with my Lord Jesus in the dust, in the background of the goings on of my life. For a second there I forgot Who had been holding me all the time, permitting me to bask in the warmth of this high I'm on as I spin carelessly and carefreely through my life's day-to-day trials and issues, pushing them aside deeming them unimportant. My Lord knocks on the door of my heart's consciousness asking to be let in, to be taken off of the shelf as if I don't need him right now. Why am I so willing to rejoice in my life, yet so unwilling to share it with God. The sheer fact that I am so happy with how things are going right now should be an unavoidable impetus to a life of praise and glorification that should be un-ceasing. I find it altogether too easy to kick Jesus aside and focus on my own (mistakingly) affairs. What sense does it make to delight in what the Lord has done for my life, but to leave him out of it? Just because things are going so well doesn't mean I need to fall back on prayers or that our quiet time should be less of a priority. I know that every peak in life has it's valley and I should be preparing for the next valley sure to come... but that's not the main reason I should work so hard to cling to Jesus's presence in my life right now. Knowing God involves knowing Him through sorrow's and joys. He's not purely a 911, commiserating Savior. Who wouldn't want to share their good news and sunny days with their best friend.

Pfabulous...extended

So last night I went to the grocery store (to make sure I had food in case we did have a big ice storm) and that was all cool, but then when I got home I absolutely resented the fact that I was alone. I hate coming home to an empty space, but usually I don't resent it. I guess the fact that I was in the store grocery shopping with a lot of couples reminded me that I'm coming up on another solo Valentine's Day. I know that Valentine's Day shouldn't really mean anything to me. It was made big by the greeting card/gift industry and stuff, so it only means something if you ascribe meaning to it. However, my rational side almost completely gave way to my ultra-typically female desires to be rescued by prince charming... fairytales don't come true though. I don't say that to mean that I won't meet some awesome man, fall in love and decide to build a life with him. I mean that no person can or will ever be my end-all be-all, healing balm for all my hurts or easing of all my fears. You can't place that much into a person and love is not about you, it's about the other person.

Maybe if I had seen that the first few times down romance avenue I wouldn't be on this detour right now. Don't get me wrong, this detour has clearly been purposefully placed for me to grow a LOT as a person and potential love(r).. it's just that sometimes it sucks. I get tired of taking myself to places most or all of the time. Since I was little I've always loved to be around people, and why should now be that much different? Also right now I'm facing the adult reality that sometimes you start having drastically different schedules and interests as your friends (well, starting lineup of friends, the core homies) and you all become busy and with limited freetime your priorities and willingness to spend your freetime doing something you're not interested in is just not there so much anymore. I find myself partaking (still) in activities I wouldn't have initially chosen for the sake of not having to spend the entire weekend in isolation (with the exception of church). This may sound weird, but I have taken a liking to my own company as well . It's just that you get tired of being around the same person all the time (lol). Hell has frozen over and I've started reading again, which is good since my readings for classes aren't particularly enlightening.

I'm missing that whole companionship factor. Those of you who know (a little bit about) me have gathered that I'm a Christian or profess to be such. I understand that the (easy) Christian prescribed answer to my problem of not having a companion would be to discover "What A Friend I Have in Jesus" but in order to do this I have to be at the place where I'm thirsting for God and in order to do that He must give me this thirst, which He has begun to do since I've been asking almost diligently...along with listening to the bible on CD and reading books by Christian authors, which points me to the Bible as well. Clearly I'm not diligent enough about it though, because, to be real, sometimes I feel like I could really drop this and procure a man :) That's characteristic of the natural condition of our human hearts, to desire everything BUT God. I could sit up here and say all I want is Jesus, but in my heart I know I have to fight to maintain and grow that desire by His grace. For me, it's been a hard road.
Posted on 2.1.2007 at 6:29 PM