128

Went to the doctor today, got weighed ok... I'm fat. We gotta work this out. I hope Leslie is prepared for the gym next week because it's about to be ON.
Posted on 9.30.2005 at 11:18 AM

Why am I doing this to myself? Someone PLEASE remind me. I refuse to break my commitment though, no matter how lonely I get. I also refuse to let this be a year wasted. It's been 3 months, so I need to get back in the game... if I ever was.
Posted on 9.30.2005 at 12:08 AM

wake up

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, but I didn't have trouble waking up. Leslie might beg to differ because she probably heard me press the snooze button about 4 times... I was actually just lying in bed though. I have realized that I am anti-rushing. I don't like being in a rush, so I have been taking measures to give myself more time to do things. For instance, instead of doing like I used to do and waking up 15 minutes before I leave, I actually give myself an additional hour or maybe even two... depending on how I'm feeling that day. It's nice to have breakfast and time to pack a litle snack for class. Sometimes I even pull out My Utmost and read the selection for the day. I need to increase that. Leslie and I did a lil bible study yesterday. It was really impromptu, but cool. We talked about the lack of unity among Christians and we talked about One-ness in Christ. I don't really see other Christians as connected to me eternally, but they really are. I'm cursed with this them-and-me type of perception. When you tie others to the things you do in life, it puts a different spin on your actions. I'll tell you that much. We read from Ephesians 4 about unity, which lead to a discussion of the current state of Christian thinking and how people are on different sides of issues. Before that we read about Paul's thorn in 2 Corinthians12. We just talked about whether it was actually a thorn or not (cuz I was a lil confused) we decided, after looking at the study bible notes that linked it to Job 2:7, that it was simply an affliction, well maybe not so simple. We all have our fair share of afflictions and weaknesses, disabilities if you will that require God's intervention. It's like our weaknesses glorify Him because when we are aware of our shortcomings, it makes us constantly aware of the fact that we need His perfect strength. I don't have anything else special to say for right now though. I'm going to what is possibly my last step exhibition at Tech tonight. It will be interesting I think. I didn't go last year. The folk that are greek now are the folk that came in with me. God I'm so glad to be leaving this place soon!
Posted on 9.29.2005 at 11:18 AM

blessed are the poor in spirit...

I'm feeling really worn out and it's really all my fault. I'm playing catch up with work, which leaves me little or no leisure time. After tomorrow (well actually today now), I can make more effective moves toward getting caught up in everything. I have to get past my PST 3127 quiz first. Then I can do my Human Dev. assignment for Thursday... along with some of the reading I need to be doing in that class for this week. I'm drowning in readings here. Oh well. All I can say is thank God that pass/fail exists. Enough surfacey stuff. That's not what I like to write on here. I guess I was just procrastinating (I'm really good at that).

When you see me, try to look past the smile I try to perform for you because inside I'm hurting. I don't like for people to see me hurt though, because I tend to be the person my friends unload their troubles on. I also don't like a whole lot of sympathy, because there is always someone going through something exponentially worse than what you THINK you might be going through. Maybe I'm scared that if I consciously unmask my emotions then people won't want to be around me. Who likes to be around sad people really? Of course my friends will stick with me. It's nice to know that. Even though I find it easy to whine about trivial things like not having anything to do on the weekends, I can't bring myself to whine about what's really going on. I don't know how others perceive my emotional state right now. I used to think I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. I promise you I wish I was happy, and I'm really trying to keep it together but at the same time I understand that keeping me together is something that Jesus is doing. So why do I hold on so hard? Over the years I've become an individual who is somewhat obssessed with being "in control" over particular aspects over my life. Why at the culmination at my tenure at Tech do I have to be confronted with this? As much as I want to go to Destinations on Friday, I don't want to go. I doubt that I will fight to sit up front this time. I don't want to sit up front, and I don't want to be reminded of how it was last year. I don't know if I'll be ok. What does O.K. mean anyways? Webster says its an adjective or adverb meaning all right. It's easy to slip into self-pity. I assure you I understand that I'm ultimately ok, but I haven't experienced Jesus in the role of Comforter. I feel so alone, ultimately alone. I refuse to declare myself depressed, but this is the closest I've ever been to it... Nobody has any idea what runs through my head all day everyday and how I perceive the day-to-day happenings of my life. I guess I'm just asking you to pray for me. I'm still searching for a sense of belonging, because I've always felt like I was on Crystal Island.. but whatever. It's back to studying for me.

I'm feeling this song : Complain by Tweet
Posted on 9.28.2005 at 1:54 AM

working on fine

This weekend was probably the mother of all my lame weekends. I should have gone home. Enough about that though.

I went to bed at around 4 this morning and went to the gym at 6 with Leslie. Needless to say I went to work and class, but I was barely awake through all of it. That's ok though, I was working on fine. If I'm going to be single for the rest of my life, I may as well be fine and single. I'll admit it, I am so jealous of my friends who have meaningul significant-other relationships. At the same time though, I'm happy for them and I'm not filled with hopelessness. I also keep reminding myself that my singularity is a choice... not sayin I'm pimp mama or anything... It's just that even if there were prospects like that right now, I'd push them away in favor of the things that need to happen and change in MY life. But I've said this on here before. The next time I step to you about this I'm going to need for me to have had a spiritual breakthrough instead of my spitting empty words.
Posted on 9.26.2005 at 4:02 PM

Perpetually disappointed,
drowning and covered
not by the blood,
but in bad decisions,
a warped point of view.
I forgot who I was.
I know who I am
and who I must be.
Posted on 9.25.2005 at 10:43 PM

Tonight doesn't even merit a complete journal entry, so this is all I have.
Posted on 9.25.2005 at 2:36 AM

HOME BASE (i wrote this while in class...)

Today I emptied all of my issues out onto Sean and I must tell you how much it hurts to not know what's going on with him... and he used to tell me. Now I'm feeling a little solemn and subdued. It was nice seeing him but dang my heart hurts and there is nothing I can do about it. Fill the void with empty moments with pointless, empty negros. So that's one cause of my perpetual saltiness: Sean is no longer my balancing complement. It doesn't look like we have a quiz in my Race class, so that's great. How is it possible to feel alone and feel the Lord is with me all the time? The void in my life is emptying again and I'm conscious of my feeble attempts to fill it with superficial, less-than-everlasting(eternal) things and I say I don't live for this moment, but what if this moment is all I have? Tomorrow is NOT promised, but my spiritual feet remain planted in stagnant complacency. I think I shall go to Piedmont Park tomorrow morning for quiet time. Lord what are you saying to me? I can't hear you. My life is too loud. I am not happy being complacent, but I don't have the strength to filter out my distractions. I'm at that peculiar point on the brink of crazy where I can perceive how things are spinning out of control before, but I allowed You a larger percentage of the wheel or at least that was the illusion You allowed me to percieve. I JUST WANT TO CRY NOW.
Posted on 9.23.2005 at 11:24 PM

it was supposed to be an essay test...

...but mine was more like short answer. ahh yes, the French Revolution course I'm taking is wonderful. not really and I haven' read much of anything nor can I keep my head up in the 12pm class. It's just so soporific in there. I can't help it. I will pull it together though. Since this IS a pass/fail class, all I really needed was a 30 on the test to keep myself in the game. I think I got that unless he is a mean grader, but whatever. Well I need to read for my 2pm Race class now, just in case she gives another reading quiz. Everyone failed last Friday's quiz miserably. I hope she won't be a playa hata this Friday. I'm kidding. I love Professor G.
Posted on 9.23.2005 at 1:03 PM

I am turning into a monster. I should not allow certain people to bring out the worst in me. I'm losing my bearing. I've been so mean and heartless. I don't know if I can't tolerate crazy people living under the same roof with me.... but I can't let them make me crazy too. My temperament should be even and constant, so I have no excuse as a daughter of God. NO EXCUSE.
Posted on 9.23.2005 at 2:16 AM

ok, so I get an F

I get it now. I realize that if I don't stop playing I will postpone which seems to be my destiny. I keep talking about graduating, but my grades are like what? How do you not participate in school-like stuff for a whole 4.5 weeks? I don't intend on being here past May, so I'm getting back in the game. I know God is going to bring me through tomorrow with my test on the French Revolution... in lieu of the dry books I didn't read, but after this, I'm going to get on my reading and assignments. Well, assignments are not the problem. I just hate to read. You have to stay in one place and concentrate for a long time on something you might not give a crap about. How is my teacher going to move next week's test to two days earlier? What kind of crap is that? I hate his stupid class anyway, because it frustrates me. I think he means well though. It's just that he sucks somewhat. I'm so lifeless right now. I don't really know how to explain how I feel. I feel hollow I guess. I'm also emotionally occupied and feel like I can't move on my life, not that I'd want to right now. Tomorrow is not promised, but there is no rush for me to cut emotional ties. I understand that I will not be able to enter into a normal relationship until that happens (among other things), but honestly I don't desire to be in one. I'm cool with being a friend that is a girl. That's all I could handle right now. As hard as it may be for me to admit, what Sean thinks or feels is really important to me. I'm like sensitive to what he'd be feeling about my acting a certain way. Don't get me wrong cuz it's not in a "that's my girl" type of way, it's just... I can't really explain that either. I lost my best friend. I know if you read my journal often you're tired of reading about my unresolved Sean issues, but I write what I feel and think...so there ya go. Have a nice day.
Posted on 9.22.2005 at 9:19 AM

MARC Building

I walked around that stupid building for like 15 mins trying to figure out where I could deliver a test only to find out that neither the professor nor his secretary were in their offices. At best my Human Development test grade was marginal, but it's not the end of the world. I hope my Abnormal Psych test grade isn't absolutely hopeless. I understand that I am taking that class pass/fail, but I don't need to fail it... lol. Failing is lower than a C for most Psych classes. Whatever. I do think I'm going to go ahead and do some extra credit experiments though. I spent ALL day yesterday working on a class assignment. I hope it's ok. I wasn't aware that I had procrastinated, but it turned out to be a whole lot more than I bargained for. I'm surprised I was able to wake up this morning and all. There really just aren't enough hours in a day... that's why I need to wake up WAY earlier. ugh tonight is staff night... hall council meeting at 7pm, then staff meeting at 9pm. I think our hall council sucks a little bit. One of my cool residents is in it though... but it still ultimately sucks. This journal entry isn't worth emailing a update notification at all, so I won't do it.
Posted on 9.19.2005 at 11:22 AM

Nisi

I have a new nickname now, but only my roomie can call me it. I like it better than Ginger. Do you what one of the anagrams of Ginger is? I won't spell it out.... anyways, that's not what this journal is about.

God is doing a really good job of showing me how people will always let you down and that I should never expect anything from anyone. That doesn't mean I will stop trusting people, but I probably won't expect them to do what they say they are going to do so much. I will find a balance there though, because that sounds a little extreme. Maybe if I do that, I will learn again to not be salty. I'm so tired of being suspended between who I was before and who I should be. I doubt anyone will understand what I mean by that, but I don't need human understanding. I am just so unhappy and frustrated right now. I need to get away from here. It's crazy because I see part of my vision, like one of the next steps, but I don't have the energy I need to make it. It would be wrong to say I'm not motivated, but something is wrong. I've become such a disgruntles cry baby lately. I'm tired of being let down and tired of feeling ultimately useless. No, I promise you I'm not suicidal... but when you see me and ask me how I'm doing, "Fine." is just the answer most people get... It's not real. Everyone would like to think that everyone is "fine" but who really is? There are people who are doing better than "fine" or doing "great" but many of us are ultimately "crappy" or at least feeling that way. Now I know that God is with me and He's doing a lot of things, but I also know that all of these things are occuring under the blanket of the spiritual chaos or stirring that I'm feeling. How is it to possible to be around so many people and feel sooooo lonely? I honestly don't know how I manage not to cry myself to sleep every night. Well, I know I manage because Jesus is with me, but the way I feel... I dunno.
Posted on 9.17.2005 at 8:22 PM

g'morning

Wow... I had like 2 and a half hours of sleep... gosh my flippin' roomate wouldn't stop talking to me. It's all her fault. Naw, on the real. I enjoy talking to Leslie. She's like, already family. But anyways, I made it to my 8am on time today. I'm glad it's only Fridays that I have it. That should probably deter Thursday night partying and clubbing. I'm not really that interested in that anymore I don't think. I mean its fun to have fun, but I am pretty mellow. When it's time for me to be off schedule and off the grind, I'm all about the chillness. I like to dress up though. It kinda sucks no longer having a set person to take me out... not because of funds, but just that whole "someone is taking care of me" aspect. It's all good though. I'm just taking life from a different angle. When I started this journal, I promise I had a point in mind but since it's meandering to nowhere, I'm just going to end it. Ciao... this is SO not worth an email notification, so I'm not going to send one out on account of it.
Posted on 9.16.2005 at 9:23 AM

grasp

I don't know how I really feel right now because I can't put a finger on it. I've been swept into a spiritual and emotional tornado that I'm trying to understand. I do know that it seems like God is saying something about humanity and being alone. I am seeing that (and I don't know how to articulate it) no matter how deep your crew is or who you think your friends are, God eventually pulls you to the side. I don't know how it actually happened, but feel absolutely alone in the human sense. No one understands me. I know I've talked about this before, but I need to talk about it again. I feel like I'm marching to the beat of a different drum and I hope its Jesus drum and the life rhythm He's chosen for me. I think it is. He's a Pied Piper leading me far away from social. I know not to rely on people, but even though I was pretty sure I was at a point where I wasn't relyin on anyone. He made it so I clearly see that I ultimately stand alone. Christ is my only straight up, thick and thin homeboy who has my back. Yes I know that there are people who love me and have my back, but I have to stop thinking that I will ever encounter perfect love in this world. No one but me hears the drum beat I hear or sees the path I know I need to take. There is something dynamic going on within and about me, but I keep clinging to my burdens when I KNOW that his yoke is light. I can't remember the last day that I didn't cry at some point over some deep down sadness. I'm an endless well of emotion and I know I've lost my grip so maybe I can stop fighting with Christ and let Him handle things... or maybe I'll just sit here and miserably continue to muscle it out. I gotta run though... in-service for housing. Yay... not really, but it may be interesante.
Posted on 9.15.2005 at 7:10 PM

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd

~Alexander Pope from "Eloise to Abelard"

my mind is not spotless though.
Posted on 9.15.2005 at 1:06 AM

Team Buzz

I emailed most of my friends about being in my group for Team Buzz, but clearly most of them aren't interested. I honestly feel like the only person actually excited about this. I'm not going to ask anyone again though because I don't want to be annoying and I understand that folk have other things to do like work and study. And I asked well in advance too cuz the thing is October 8th. Of course I don't think anyone is a bad person. I guess its just that the vision I had was gonna be me, my roomates, most of my good friends and some of my residents all working on a service project together. Whatever. There is no Utopia in this world. I won't ask you people anymore though, because it's weird to be excited by yourself. :-/

I'm at work now. I should be studying for my Psych test. I want to skip my French Revolution class again, but that would be stupid and mean (to the professor). I will tell you one thing though, I don't need to miss ANYMORE of Abnormal Psychology. How in the heck does one miss 3 out of 5 classes? I need an F for that. I know I'm taking it pass/fail and all, but I don't need to take advantage of that. After these two Psychology tests tomorrow, I think I will be able to start getting back on the ball. About giving up AIM for a while... since I think that maybe whoever is reading my journal looks at my AIM profile and clicks on the link, I'll be signed on but just away until a month from today. I'm not currently signed on though. I just decided that about AIM. I don't want people to not read what's going on... not that my life should be important to anyone. I don't talk to very many people anymore that I used to talk to and this is my way of saying "Hey, Here's what's going on with me." I mean, since I don't really get to talk to Sean all that much (if at all) anymore, easyjournal is how I get word of certain instances in his life. Well, it's better than being COMPLETELY out of the loop... even though I'm surely hanging on the edge of that loop right now. This is not a pity trip. It's just how I think about it sometimes and this is not merely a "build a bridge..." situation. This is my life.
Posted on 9.14.2005 at 11:12 AM

my thoughts this morning...

Well I'm sitting here eating the other half of my breakfast after reading my devotional. Looking at the names on my buddylist I realize how I'm ultimately alone if I'm concerned with the likes of people.... not that anyone has done something that made me question their friendship. I'm just realizing how sore thumbish I am right now. Nobody REALLY understands what's going on in my head and heart except for Jesus and if I try to tell somebody they'll try to tell me thats not it or i'm trippin... or at best they will be able to perceive the tip of the iceberg. I need to make some changes. I may start with not being on AIM for a month. it IS taking over my life though, so that would be a good one to knock out. TV hasn't really impacted my lifestyle at all. I don't turn it on unless I'm bored or in the kitchen cooking or hanging out with my roomies. But yeah, Jesus is really the only one who partly understands. I'm glad I am realizing that now instead of later.
Posted on 9.13.2005 at 9:20 AM

signature

she finally signed it after i jumped on her as soon as she could get in the door this evening. i kno to get her to sign things first because she didn't seem to care so much that i really needed her signature, its ok though. i'm not angry, just trying to understand and accept. its been a busy day and i'm glad that i'm in my room now. i hope that no one calls me tonight, since i am on duty. i prayed that no one would call, so i think my duty shift has been anointed. i definitely some down time right now. tomorrow should be a little better. i need to get some hardcore studying done though.
Posted on 9.12.2005 at 11:31 PM

lighter note...

God woke me up (sans alarm clock) at 8:30am today so I was able to eat and read my daily devotional and pray a bit. That was definitely positive. Also, I did not have to high tail it to work like I usually have to. That was nice. When I got to work (which actually is where I still am) I went to deliver a test in the Swann building. Oh my goodness. You HAVE to take a language class so you can have class in that building. It's REALLY pretty. It made me want to re-take Japanese or something. Well, I'm listening to Radioy.com. It's a Christian Radio Station that you can play online. I'm about to read a chapter out of Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian, because I had kinda abandoned her book for a minute. I really need to get back into it and finish it.
Posted on 9.12.2005 at 11:17 AM

another bad start...

I woke up mad and cussin this morning because a roomate of mine has neglected to sign something for me that I really need by the time I have my staff meeting tonight. I know I should have asked her to sign it previously, but I was thinkin she'll sign it right quick and give it right back. Not exactly so. People must think that all I do is SIT around waiting for people to sign stuff. The fact that I said I was cussing means I am HIGHLY salty with her, but my saltiness doesn't excuse the fact that I cursed, so I'm taking that to His Throne. I'm resubmitting my tongue and temper to Jesus because I've been upsettable lately. I really do need her to turn that sheet in though, because I do have a deadline. I'm sick of dealing with people I can't rely on to be prompt, but I know that no one (especially me) is perfection, so I have to have a loving attitude about it. The sun rose on my anger today, but I'll be sure to diffuse the resentment I have right now. The paper and signature are ultimately not that serious, but MY actions and MY thoughts echo in eternity.
Posted on 9.12.2005 at 8:53 AM

started on the wrong foot...

Today as I was about to get ready for church (after having re-talked myself into it and being on the path to lateness alrady) my toilet decided to do this massive overflow thing, which required my immediate attention and a mop that I wasn't able to get immediately plus towels and other things... and it is STILL bad. Long story short, I missed church as it was the last service of the day and all. One can imagine that after fighting with the toilet and wet bathroom and chasing a resident down for a signature, I was about through...

I put up an away message earlier today saying "struggling. prayer needed." Well, that was me publicizing (to an extent) the inner dialogue I've had going on for the past month or so. I'm spiritually spent. I haven't been abiding in Christ and perched by His living water. Instead here I am parched and barely making it trying to find energy from my far inferior resources as a human. I'm tired of living like this, so forgive me if you find me unavailable during the next few weeks, but I need to take care of the most important relationship in my life if I desire wholeness and clear purpose and usefulness in His kingdom. I've not been surrounding myself(mostly) with people that are edifying spiritually. I need a big sister in Christ to lean on, especially at this time in my life... and I've been sucked back into music that is less-than-godly so it's time to flip the script again. Today is the first day of the rest days of my life and I will no longer be given to complacency... that's just not going to work for me anymore.

On a lighter note, I got to see Sean and Camille yesterday so that was really cool. I miss them both.
Posted on 9.11.2005 at 6:27 PM

salty

dawg. u couldn't even let a sista know about stuff and i saw u the two days before? i'm trying not to be salty, but i really can't help it... well maybe i could, but its fairly difficult to do so. not that i ever do anything, but i try to keep you in the know if i ever do anything. that's ok. something like life i guess.
Posted on 9.9.2005 at 10:51 AM

Woke up a little sad this morning, perhaps it was a reaction to the dreams I had in between pressing the snooze button. I became re-aware of the current state of New Orleans, the people there suffering, the people suffering away from home and those who have missing loved ones who will eventually find out that their loved one is apart of the body count. Couple that sadness with a headache and you have my current condition for today. I'm not going to walk around and complain about it, but I will be leaving my 1st class right after our quiz and I'm skipping my second class for the sake of a nap. I don't think I'll make it today otherwise.
Posted on 9.8.2005 at 11:42 AM

update(d) on my family

Well, I talked to my step mother and my dad on Sunday. They are in Conroe, Texas now (42 miles North of Houston) staying at West Conroe Baptist Church. It sounds like some godly, loving people are really taking care of them. My dad has transfered his Home Depot job over to Conroe and praise God he has an income. Things seem to be looking up for them. I know it's got to be really hard, but I am so thankful that God has placed members of Christ's family around them to take care of them and be extensions of His love for them. I talked to my sister, Shamonique, on Saturday and she seems to be doing much better than she was doin on like Tuesday. Also, her grandfather (age 71) after deciding to stay in N.O. during Katrina, having to swim out of his house and get rescued by someone in a boat is now safely with the rest of the family in Conroe, Texas, so once again that's a praise because I was worried about him but God saw him through... even though he's pretty shaken up. I'm really going to need for Shamonique to get with the whole email thing so we can keep in touch, but I guess I'll not ask her about it again. I was going to try to fly her up here for her fall break, but its at a COMPLETELY different time than mine and I dont want her to be here and feel neglected. I need to see when dad and Ms. Spriggins are going to go visit her up in Monroe. They really need to soon because I know she's probably going through a really rough time and not being able to see her family on top of that, I would certainly be crushed. She is a strong girl though.

I abruptly left home Sunday night around 9pm... not because anything specific happened or bothered me, it's just that I up and decided that I would much rather wake up in my bed on campus at will than fret about trying to get back to campus by the end of Labor Day with upredictable traffic flow what with Convoys and all trying to get to the Gulf Coast. I talked to mom a little while ago and she said that Gabby had been really salty with me. I bet she was. I really didnt want to leave, but at the same time it was easier to leave then than it would have been Monday morning. I really love my family.

I got to see Seany Bear today (I miss him a lot) and actually talk to him for more than like 2 seconds. It was nice to catch up on his life a little bit, even though I am more than sure that I barely even scratched the surface of all that's probably going on in his life... and vice versa. There is only so much that can be said and expressed in a matter of minutes though. I am no one, but I do sometimes feel like the most spiritually level person I know, with the exception of like 3 people I see rarely. I used to not feel like that as Sean was always a bit of a spiritual anchor for me. I've been feeling a real loss for a strong set of female Christian friends who can really counsel me in the things I'm going through and trying to figure out right now, because there are a lot of things that I know I can't really talk to my friends about and hear what I really need to hear. I am really going to need to reach out and set aside some weekly time with Hui I think... perhaps that is why we've managed to keep in touch. You may wonder why I left the sorority I was in if I'm looking for a strong set of Christian friends... well, I never quite formed a strong enough bond with any sister that would lend itself to strenghtening the part of my walk that I'm experiencing right now. Heather (aka Prov) is great, but clearly she is back in Florida right now, all though we do talk, I believe I need someone up close and personal right now... Someone who is like in my face saying, "Look chick, you are straight TRIPPIN right now!" at times when I find it so easy to shrug off what I know is right or ignore what's wrong about a particular situation.

I'm getting my hair done tomorrow afternoon. I am pretty sure that I should be done with more than enough time to stop by campus for a sec and then drive up to church, but we shall see. The campus part may not work out, but I'm pretty sure about being able to make it to church with plenty of time. It shouldn't take homegirl more than 3hrs on my hair right?
Posted on 9.6.2005 at 6:09 PM

ooo GIRL you old!

Happy 22nd Birthday Mika!!!
Posted on 9.4.2005 at 7:28 PM

From Michael Moore to Bush

I know this is probably not the most pleasant thing to read, but I thought this could be food for thought. As I take personal interest in New Orleans I can't help but look at the flip side of things... so here goes. Thanks Victoria!

__________________________________________________________

Sent: Friday, September 02, 2005 10:07 AM
Subject: FW: Vacation is Over... an open letter from Michael Moore toGeorge
W. Bush



Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and
thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on
earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help
finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a
drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really
use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping
with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of
Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it
was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still
homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its
way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you
didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get
bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to
ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to
Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't
let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and
what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you
specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans
this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you
hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army
engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important
construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was
moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you
flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey,
I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and
act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use
it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to
nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because
the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm
like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken
Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it
would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to
Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent
of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no
transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not
like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on
their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing -- NOTHING
-- to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters
and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast
are near Tikrit.

Yours,

Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
www.MichaelMoore.com ;

P.S. That annoying mother, Cindy Sheehan, is no longer at your ranch. She
and dozens of other relatives of the Iraqi War dead are now driving across
the country, stopping in many cities along the way. Maybe you can catch
; up with
them before they get to DC on September 21st.



Posted on 9.4.2005 at 7:20 PM

my broken levee

singularity sucks, but i know its best thing for me right now. the hardest thing about it is not necessarily being alone or not having folk to rely on because i have that, and i've learned how to deal with being alone (well, not alone but without people). the hardest thing (or most frustrating) for me is that there is always someone to like... maybe that's just part of human weakness because a lot of the so called "liking" doesn't have any deep or spiritual bearing. it goes something more like, oooo he cute or whatever...and that's really pointless because there's no real foundation, it's just liking for liking's sake... and then there are those people that you kinda liked all along, but now that you're not dating anyone else its like you're free to like them as much as you want to...and then...you find out that they are spoken for, which is good because you are not at the place in your life right now to endeavor into something new for that person's sake, your sake, for the sake of being in line with God's will, for other's sakes... because deep down in your heart you KNOW that Wisdom is leading you on another path or at least another direction right now. To act against it would be stupid and a foundation for additional heartache. This is why I bought a ring denoting my full year moratorium from being a girlfriend... or even a friendgirl. I need to continually remind myself of what I decided on the first of July, and I feel that decision was Divinely inspired so that I won't further sabotage the plans He has for me... at least in the realm of relationships and marriage. I'm tired of dating aimlessly and acting outside of God's will for me in that area of my life. So, I will continue to be the most platonic, non-awkward friend a guy ever had because I dare not hope for more or venture farther because entirely too much is at stake in the big picture of my life... and honestly, there is too much going on with me and in my life to give anymore of myself than I already give. Why is it that I can't think of that as SOON as I begin to think I might somewhat like someone? So, this is me, Crystal: daughter of God, sister in Christ, daughter to my parents, big sister to my siblings, best friend I can be, student, graduate school applicant, employee (Community Advisor, Office Assistant), Team Leader...just a girl trying to make a way and delve deeper into what God means for my life to be and where He wants me to go next. Therefore, the bottom line is (and I know I keep straying from and coming right back to this conclusion) I need to go into my spiritual cave and really see and listen to what's going on and what needs to be going on in my relationship with Jesus. The ground has already been broken on the building project of my godly character but my stubborness in sticking to my own will has allowed for minimal building.
Posted on 9.3.2005 at 10:44 PM

cute

Cute does not work if you spend so much time getting "cute" that you end up having to walk/run rushing to get to work in your heels. I'm going to need for me to have better time management skills. I do pretty well being on time during the day but when you factor in morning time its ALL bad. Also, is it necessary to boast to others about who you are dating or who finds you attractive? Yes, I know this sounds right haterish but I promise you its not like that. I was just thinking that our loved ones, especially significant others, should not be a huge source of pride. Yes we should be grateful that they are in our lives and think much of us, but to be prideful and boastful about your other half is moving toward the Trophy idea. I'm not looking for a trophy husband or for someone to be with or be around because they're fiiiine and everyone else knows it. If my reason for liking him involves others' judgment of his physical appearance or financial status then I've completely missed the point. Being linked to somebody that is considered "Somebody" does not add value to who you are. It's completely superficial. If that person is taken away, you'll still be left with you and the empty void you tried to fill with being that person's person. Only God can fill the void.

Ooooo..... I have a Psalm for you. If you're going through a tough time or maybe not, but you just need some encouragement or a reminder of how great God is read this:


Psalm 3
(A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom. )

1 O LORD, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!

2 Many are saying of me,
"God will not deliver him."
Selah

3 But you are a shield around me, O LORD;
you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

4 To the LORD I cry aloud,
and he answers me from his holy hill.
Selah

5 I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.

6 I will not fear the tens of thousands
drawn up against me on every side.

7 Arise, O LORD!
Deliver me, O my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.

8 From the LORD comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people.
Selah


Posted on 9.2.2005 at 11:24 AM

on a lighter note...

I was walking through the student center about to go up the stairs and this (physically) well rounded guy backed up and stepped on my thong-sandaled toe. I was like *doot* cuz it caught me off guard, but in actuality, even though it has been about 15 minutes and I still feel it, I am very glad that he had on soft shoes and not some hard dress shoes because I would have semi-died. Oh yeah, I got 4 more of the books I ordered today. I'm happy about that.... that means there are only 3 others that have not gotten here yet and I only need one of them urgently. I'm really going to need for my sister to start accessing her school email account so I can keep in touch with her. What's going on Univ. of Louisiana at Monroe?! Yall need to get with it. I am going to need for my clothes from Alloy.com, however, to get here because I actually forgot what exactly I ordered. :o) I know I got a pair of jeans, and maybe a purse (all on clearance yall, I'm definitely not ballin without a budget). You may be able to tell, but I feel better today. Thank you my friend who brought me a cinnamon stick yesterday. I thought that was very sweet. As for negligent people, I won't be on CryssLove for a while because I'm going to be on my V.I.P screen name... if you don't have that one, but you KNOW you are V.I.P. to me, let me know because most likely you do have it and just forgot about it since I'm never on it. Otherwise, just hit me up on the celly or room phone (Yay I have a private line! That's not the one posted on gatech.edu of course). But yeah, I'm flippin tha script or turning tables (if you will) in an area or two of what's currently going on in my life. This ought to be fun. I'm glad my roomies have my back as well. Shamonique, get with Email...or at least get an answering machine girl. I need to check up on you!!!! Ok, I need to go get my contact prescription fixed now. I may write a lil somethin somethin lata... but who really knows?
Posted on 9.1.2005 at 3:18 PM