space

Space.... there comes a time in a young woman's life when she needs it. I have realized that I am just too old to share living space with anyone. No, that has nothing to do with my roomie, she's an awesome person and I love her to death. I just want space all to myself ya know... so you don't have to worry about bothering the other person or where if you start studying something u can be assured that no one will join you... or if you are hoping that your boyfriend will come visit you you don't have to worry about roomie coming back and having to send boyfriend off because you don't want to weird your roomie out. I really want my own SPACE. OMED was/is giving me free housing this summer to be an English TA, however, I was also informed that I may have to have a roomate.... ummm, I think not. That really is enough for me to consider keeping my spot in 8th St apts and maybe having to pick up a few hours a week at the housing office to make sure that I am able to eat. I REFUSE to live with someone else this summer... I am also tired of walking all the way down the hall to the kitchen and bathroom. That madness has to stop too. College is frustrating enough without having to add living inconveniences to the mix. Oh well, enough griping, at least I have a roof over my head and stuff so things aren't nearly as bad as I make them out to be...Even so... I still want a HOUSE!!!

Posted on 4.30.2005 at 2:34 AM

abandon chip

Here's an inside joke for ya:


Yeah, so Gordon goes to dip a chip into some Salsa... then he starts talking and leaves the chip just sitting there... abandon chip :-)

Posted on 4.28.2005 at 10:40 PM

sunday

sunday. i'm really sleepy. I got 7hrs of sleep though. I miss the old Destiny Building. The new one is so not intimate and family like...to me. I went there last week for the first time. I am not going there today. I'd rather not go by myself actually. What I will have to do (in order to get used to it) is make sure I have someone to go with or to take every week. I have a whole summer to figure that out... hopefully. Man I REALLY don't want a roomate this summer, but I'll just have to be cool. It will just suck a little bit though. Hui is the only roomate that I've gotten along with exceptionally well and I've known her for two years, so I'm not really feeling a "potluck" roomate. I guess that's the price you pay for free housing. Common sense says "Girl, chill you are stayin there for free, which means you don't have to push any additional clocks this summer" but my peace of mind says gone head and live in 8th St this summer so you can cook for yourself.

Allergies are not fun... I'm glad it rained and toned the pollen down a little bit. I don't know about this coldness though....

Posted on 4.24.2005 at 10:28 AM

The big day...

Today my friend Erica asked me "When's your big day?" and I was like huh and then I remembered that I do have an engagement-LOOKING ring on my left ring finger. For those of you who don't know, it's a 3-stone purity ring that represents my promise (as good as a human promise can be) to stay pure(abstinent) and the stones represent the past, present, and future since God has been, is, and will always be with me. But naw, I just thought that was funny. No one usually asks me about it anyway. I'm having a good week. Things with Sean are mending. I had my BIO lab final today. I think I did iight. I hope I can get an A in lab, but a B will be fine too. I got a henna tattoo today around Skiles Walkway...and I learned how to write my first name in Hebrew. I love different languages. I'm feeling a little stressed now though. I have started looking at graduate schools...there are currently 72 schools in the U.S. that offer a doctorate in Counseling Psychology and I will be researching 70 of those over the next two weeks (two of them offer a Psy.D, which I didn't plan on going for).

Anyways...I guess i just want to say I was having a good day and what not. I hope everyone is too. Please pray for me that I will find graduate programs that will be a good fit for me and that will like me. Also, pray for less stress...it's comin up on finals and what have you.

Posted on 4.14.2005 at 5:51 PM

study break

Caffeine is a drug...well I'm a user tonight because I have two tests tomorrow at 11am and 12pm and I have a movie to watch and write a 1-2 page analysis of the visual effects, two chapters yet to read and then the ACTUAL studying process of this whole thing. So yeah, I think sleeping tonight is DOUBTFUL. I kicked Coca Cola to the curb and am presently on my first cup of coffee. I'm feeling uplifted because I know that God is on my side and things with my sweetie are on the up and up. He (God) is so awesome. Those things we think are so impossible, God just takes them away and clears our path. I thought I was in a hopeless situation and God is actually not only showing me that he has things under control, but that my relationship with Sean was/is even bigger than I thought and rehighlighting the qualities that I love about Sean so much. Even if things with Sean weren't positive, I'd still have much to be praiseful about. Thank You Father.

Well, it's back to studying for me. If you feel compelled, send up a prayer for me...I know I can really use it.

Posted on 4.11.2005 at 2:05 AM

saddest day

Today is the ugliest day and it hasn't really gotten started yet. It started very badly at like 12am and went downhill from there. I am feeling absolutely crappy right now and all I can do is fight tears. I am afraid to go to sleep because I don't want to wake up and realize that this is what's really going. I don't want to face the reality of tonight's decision. I am so sad. I don't want to go to class or lab or anything today and I don't want to eat or anything. I don't want any pity though. I guess that's what I want least. I'm writing this journal to express my feelings, not to get hugs or anything like that. I can't believe this happened, but was it inevitable and I saw it coming all along and just didn't stop it. Was I just stupid? I don't like things this way. I think I held it together pretty well a few hours ago, but now that it's dark and my roomate's asleep I guess it's safe to cry while listening to "Split Screen Sadness" on my computer. This is really bad. I never thought I'd have to make a decision like this. It's weird because although I'm unhappy about it I still have a peace about my decision. I called mommy and she feels like I made the right decision. but I don't like it. I keep fighting the impulse to just go out and drive until whenever. This is the last place I want to be with the pink flowers he made me and all of the things that remind me of him. His name tag from this random conference he went to, the hat he bought me, this cross and necklace he picked out and bought for me, all of the pictures of him in my digital camera, the recent calls in my phone, the Ninja Turtles blanket on my bed, the devotional books, my bible, my suitcase, my shoes, my hands, everything. I am hurting so bad right now. I really want to just curl up into a ball or something, but I'm too cool for that right now. I would feel weird. I'm supposed to be ok with this right? Well I'm really not, but I am kinda stuck here because I don't need to just glaze over the issue again. It just sounds so stupid when I think of the issue, but when you think of it broadly, it really isn't and I shoulda been wise about it all along. God I'm so upset and sad right now. I realize how much I need You when there is nothing or no one else...maybe that's the point I'm supposed to be getting here. I need You to help me make it through today because I know that I can't on my own.

Posted on 4.7.2005 at 4:04 AM

clarity

I'm just having a good day today. Every day should be like today (thus far anyway). Even though I have madd stuff to do I'm just calm. There's more to life than the hustle and bustle of capitalism. I know that I'm here to perfect my productivity so that I can be marketable, but to tell the truth the only thing I've ever wanted to do is help people...and that's what I'm going to do. If I never graduate summa cum laude or with any honors at all it will be ok as long as I'm allowed to do what I have a passion about. Helping people for me is not even DOING anything. I don't give it a second thought. Well I guess I give it a second thought if there's something that makes me uncomfortable, but I try not to let myself get in the way of helping someone. I don't know why I like being helpful so much. I would sincerely hope that I'm not out there to glorify myself in being a servant. That's something I should pray about... I feel like I just want to see people happy. Well anyways, I'm going to go take pictures now on the way to work :o)

Posted on 4.5.2005 at 4:24 PM

Pope John Paul II

The Pope is dead. I don't know if I will feel comfortable calling another dude Pope. It just won't feel right. He's been the only Pope I've ever know. He fits my only schema of Pope. Pope John Paul II was my Pope and I'm not even Catholic. Well I'm glad he's no longer in pain and with Jesus.

Posted on 4.3.2005 at 5:19 AM