sucks

This is an extremely bad week for me. I can't do this.

Lord I need you.

Posted on 11.30.2004 at 11:52 PM

fraud

Credit card fraud is not cool. I just thank God that I am not so rich that I didn't notice that money was missing. It does feel weird though, to know someone took advantage of you. I guess the thing to realize is that money is not something I will be able to take with me when I die anyway. It's just something I use to get along and to get around in this world. The value we place on money is very high. It's like a synonym for worldly wealth. In and of itself it has no value, because it's just paper. Why is true value so easy to distort? Satan is like a funhouse mirror. You look in the mirror and what you see is not your actual appearance but yourself in a wordly view, but what matters is God's view of you and if you're not covered in Christ's blood then you're in trouble. Where are you going when you die? If you can't answer that without hesitation...get at me. It's a good thing to ask yourself before life slips away from you.
Posted on 11.14.2004 at 1:14 AM

evolution on a cold and rainy day

So i'm sitting up in the student center cafeteria. I was supposed to go to the library for a flash tutorial...I may still go, but I'm cold and they are not going to let me bring my chocolate milk up in there so I probably need to finish it. I guess you could say that's why I'm here or maybe I just need to write a little something. As I was walking to class earlier this morning I was just thinking about how different I see things. It's like I don't need so many things to give me an identity. Don't get me wrong, I do still find myself clinging to some things because it's human to be materialistic and like compliments, but I do feel like I'm at the point where "Crystal" is my identitiy. I need to get to the point where Christ in me is my identity. No, I am definitely not there yet, but I thank God that I'm at the point where I know what my identity is not and where if certain things were taken away from me, I would still know who I am. I understand that I can't take anything with me, not my body, not my car,my jewelry, not Alpha Delta Chi, not anything I could possibly be associated with because all of those things fade away. In the next moment my life could completely change forever, without my even immediately knowing and I would have to be prepared to trust God in whatever direction He chooses to lead me. I know I have been praying a lot for motivation and the grace to sustain me while I remain here at tech, but at the same time, I know God has me here for a pupose, a purpose that I haven't completed yet. I know I'm here to leave some kind of spiritual imprint in His Name and I don't altogether know how I'm supposed to do that but I've been taking some steps. I would like to not be such a control freak now that I'm supposed to be acknowledging God's control over my life. You see, I understand that I was never at any point in control of things.

Today my EAS Professor talked about evolution and the formation of the Earth. Science says the Earth is 4.6 Billion Years old. It's amazing how people can spend their lives trying to prove their own theories and trying not to acknowledge God as creator. The earth did not "form" by itself, God CREATED it. How can I believe that the earth was created in one day (and life in a week)? Well, God is God and no matter how much time geologists say it takesfor different things to happen on earth's surface I know that God is more powerful than anyone or anything so if he wanted to make the earth in day, well he is more than capable. If he wanted to stop EVERYTHING right now, He could. God doesn't see time like we do. He CREATED time. He TRANSCENDS time. Why is it that we as humans insist on going against th truth so that it can make more sense to us? Truth is truth. God is TRUTH. God is LOVE. God is PURPOSE. How can one live a life that has any eternal meaning without first acknowledging God? What would life mean? Could one take that meaning and apply it after death? What is a real legacy?
Posted on 11.11.2004 at 10:02 AM

the great accuser

Satan is also known as the great accuser. Of course he would want to make things happen now to get my mind off of serving God and to make me focused on myself. That's something I learned on Monday. Oh well, I just wanted to say that. I'm ultra sleepy right about now.
Posted on 11.10.2004 at 1:21 AM

out of the blue

I think God is trying to get my attention or something because weird and seemingly unnecessary things seem to keep happening. The Crystal I was freshman year continues to resurface and haunt me. I'm getting confronted with allegations based on things from two years ago and apparently my word is not enough to defend myself. Of course the accuser is right, right? Maybe that's the point, I don't need to be concerned with personal injury here. Is God saying that it's not up to me to defend myself? Maybe He's saying He'll take care of me. Well, I know He'll take care of me...I just need to act like I really know. I am upset at myself for still caring what others may think, and how dare I defend the person I used to be. We are like night and day now, maybe except for the fact that we are both human and have feelings. Anyone who can think I am the same now as freshman year is blind because I know God is changin me daily. I guess I'm so low key that many people have no idea who I am now, but that's ok. I'm not here to impress or amaze. I'm here to share God's love with others and if that means remaining calm when I'm insulted. How many times did Jesus defend himself when he was accused of blashemy and things of that nature? If he responded verbally at all, He just responded with the truth, but not to make himself look good. He responded in the way He did so that the truth would be made known. Even though humankind was against Him, he still loved us because He coulda just been like, "whatever man, forget y'all." And he could have gone back to be with His Father, but that man did not turn back or waver in His Love. His Father turned His back on Him and He still did what He did so that we could be reunited in Love. The result of accepting Christ is a dichotomy. In the beginning we are flesh, but when we accept Christ he gives us His Spirit. We become flesh and spirit which are at odds with each other. The goal is to allow Christ's Spirit within us to rule our lives, but its a struggle because flesh is so intrinsic to us. Sin is intrinsic to our humanity. This is why being a Christian is a process. God transforms us from the inside outwardly, cleansing us little by little of those things that are in us that displease or offend Him. This inner war is a certificate of neverending in-debtedness to Jesus for His love and also the reason we must rely on the Holy Spirit day to day. Clearly I started off talking about my life and ended up on a spiritual tangent. That's probably a good thing. To all my sisters and brothers out there, be encouraged. Times may be rough but remember God has your back.
Posted on 11.8.2004 at 1:41 AM

better days...

Ok, so things are looking up thanks to lots and lots of prayer. It's nice to have a support group of sisters to look after my best interests. I don't know if I feel better about being here at school or not, but I did drop the class on my schedule next semester that put me at 19 hours, so now I'm going to have 16 and that should be ok with poetry being 3 of those 16 hours. That class is fun. I am still ready to graduate though, but I'm not in a slump about not being able to graduate until later(than now). School is ok though. Being a PL is ok too. I just need to learn to balance those with spritual responsibilities and sorority, which is relatively difficult. God brought me to it though, so He'll bring me through it. I know that's cliche now, but its the truth.
Posted on 11.5.2004 at 11:02 AM

the right 'tude

I am really trying to have the right attitude about all of this and thank God for his presence in my life and for all He has given me and continually does for me...but this has been the crappiest couple of days in my recent history. I don't what the deal is with this.....
Posted on 11.3.2004 at 9:04 PM

exercising your right...

Vote or Lose, vote and you lose anyway but at least you voted right? I don't know. It didn't occur to me when I voted today to obstain from the presidential vote and just vote for state and local offices. I'm Independent of any party, but everyone knows that a democratic vote is a long way from causing any type of impact in the state of Georgia on a national scale. That's not what this is about though. I don't like being at odds. I don't like all of this division...especially not in my own life and interpersonal relationships. To think that all I had to do was open my mouth before I voted, much could have been avoided and now I'm just sitting here. Forget elections and coverage that's not what matters to me...
Posted on 11.2.2004 at 6:43 PM

bedtime

Yeah, so it's 5:10am. I'm crawling in the bed only to wake up around 8am to have another fun-filled action-packed day. God has really blessed me in spite of my weariness. Good night...err, morning.
Posted on 11.2.2004 at 4:10 AM