out of the blue

I think God is trying to get my attention or something because weird and seemingly unnecessary things seem to keep happening. The Crystal I was freshman year continues to resurface and haunt me. I'm getting confronted with allegations based on things from two years ago and apparently my word is not enough to defend myself. Of course the accuser is right, right? Maybe that's the point, I don't need to be concerned with personal injury here. Is God saying that it's not up to me to defend myself? Maybe He's saying He'll take care of me. Well, I know He'll take care of me...I just need to act like I really know. I am upset at myself for still caring what others may think, and how dare I defend the person I used to be. We are like night and day now, maybe except for the fact that we are both human and have feelings. Anyone who can think I am the same now as freshman year is blind because I know God is changin me daily. I guess I'm so low key that many people have no idea who I am now, but that's ok. I'm not here to impress or amaze. I'm here to share God's love with others and if that means remaining calm when I'm insulted. How many times did Jesus defend himself when he was accused of blashemy and things of that nature? If he responded verbally at all, He just responded with the truth, but not to make himself look good. He responded in the way He did so that the truth would be made known. Even though humankind was against Him, he still loved us because He coulda just been like, "whatever man, forget y'all." And he could have gone back to be with His Father, but that man did not turn back or waver in His Love. His Father turned His back on Him and He still did what He did so that we could be reunited in Love. The result of accepting Christ is a dichotomy. In the beginning we are flesh, but when we accept Christ he gives us His Spirit. We become flesh and spirit which are at odds with each other. The goal is to allow Christ's Spirit within us to rule our lives, but its a struggle because flesh is so intrinsic to us. Sin is intrinsic to our humanity. This is why being a Christian is a process. God transforms us from the inside outwardly, cleansing us little by little of those things that are in us that displease or offend Him. This inner war is a certificate of neverending in-debtedness to Jesus for His love and also the reason we must rely on the Holy Spirit day to day. Clearly I started off talking about my life and ended up on a spiritual tangent. That's probably a good thing. To all my sisters and brothers out there, be encouraged. Times may be rough but remember God has your back.
Posted on 11.8.2004 at 1:41 AM