I can't sleep. Maybe I can't sleep because I have something to tell you...no, not anything bad, but maybe I have a message for you. Maybe that's why I'm awake. Maybe the point is maybe not that I have a message for you, but that I have a message. The message might be for me...a message telling me that I have a message. It seems the more I know about God and the more He reveals to me the less eager I am to open my mouth and speak. I have increasingly become a mute, closed more and more unto myself. I know God is not just showing me things for His health or something. I have yet to claim my "confidence through Christ before God"(2 Cor. 3:4). I never feel like I have the words to speak and my mouth refuses to open. I know I need to speak, but I keep relying on myself instead of relying on the Holy Spirit to convey everything that He needs me to say...zzzzzzz...
Posted on 10.28.2004 at 12:57 AM
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Friday, October 22, 2004
friday
yay it's finally Friday. chill time!...even though it's only been a three-day week, I basically declared the entire week fall break except for a couple minor assignments. but anyways, tgif!
Posted on 10.22.2004 at 4:22 PM
Posted on 10.22.2004 at 4:22 PM
Monday, October 18, 2004
Saturday, October 16, 2004
@ home
Yay I'm at home with my family. I missed them a lot. I like being home, but I think I'm going to start associating it with dentist appointments. I have one on Monday at 10am and I REALLY don't want to go because I'm pretty sure that I will have to get at least two fillings and then the dentist is going to tell me that I need to get my wisdom teeth pulled out very soon. That is all going to suck. We are watching 50 First Dates now and stuff.
Posted on 10.16.2004 at 7:50 PM
Posted on 10.16.2004 at 7:50 PM
Friday, October 15, 2004
tonight sucked
Today was a good day. Tonight sucked somewhat, so I decided to up and go home. Originally I was going to leave Saturday morning. No, I really don't care about GT Football...or any other football for that matter, so I definitely gave my homecoming gam ticket to my girl. I haven't been to a game since freshman year and probably won't until maybe next year...who knows. It's not a priority for me anymore.
Anyways, yeah so I was upset so I decided to pack up the car and drive home. I left campus at 10pm and got to my driveway at 12am...exactly 2 hours. That's awesome. I like not being ridiculously far from home. What's ironic though is that this is the first time I've been home in 3+ months even though I'm only 2 hrs away and I have my car on campus. Isn't that crazy? That's a sign that I'm doing way too much in life right now. I didn't swipe my buzz card at the dining hall so that I would have 5 meals used, so I'm going to get a flag on my meal plan and Tobias is probably going to say something to me. I probably won't go to Woody's or Britain 5 times total next week because Monday and Tuesday aren't going to count. Woody's is definitely too far out of the way and the food on either end of campus is not good enough to be inconvenienced to eat. I don't eat well anyway. I need to eat well and exercise before I look old when I'm 30. Thank God for the little people genes I have though. Oh well... but yeah, my night sucked until I saw my family. The drive was long and as boring as ever, I guess because I was kinda sleepy this time. I really missed my family. Gabby is getting sooooo tall. She's going to probably be my height my the end of next summer. That will be interesting and fun. Scary will be her behind the wheel of a car. I love my Gabby, 11 going on 31. I guess she's more mature because she's always had a way older sister. It's cool though. She's my friend AND my sister. How cool is that? Enough about that though. I had a bad night. Now I'm sitting here with my hair wet because I insisted on washing my hair even though I have church in the morning. I think this is better though. Well, enough of easyjournal for tonight....
Posted on 10.15.2004 at 1:29 AM
Anyways, yeah so I was upset so I decided to pack up the car and drive home. I left campus at 10pm and got to my driveway at 12am...exactly 2 hours. That's awesome. I like not being ridiculously far from home. What's ironic though is that this is the first time I've been home in 3+ months even though I'm only 2 hrs away and I have my car on campus. Isn't that crazy? That's a sign that I'm doing way too much in life right now. I didn't swipe my buzz card at the dining hall so that I would have 5 meals used, so I'm going to get a flag on my meal plan and Tobias is probably going to say something to me. I probably won't go to Woody's or Britain 5 times total next week because Monday and Tuesday aren't going to count. Woody's is definitely too far out of the way and the food on either end of campus is not good enough to be inconvenienced to eat. I don't eat well anyway. I need to eat well and exercise before I look old when I'm 30. Thank God for the little people genes I have though. Oh well... but yeah, my night sucked until I saw my family. The drive was long and as boring as ever, I guess because I was kinda sleepy this time. I really missed my family. Gabby is getting sooooo tall. She's going to probably be my height my the end of next summer. That will be interesting and fun. Scary will be her behind the wheel of a car. I love my Gabby, 11 going on 31. I guess she's more mature because she's always had a way older sister. It's cool though. She's my friend AND my sister. How cool is that? Enough about that though. I had a bad night. Now I'm sitting here with my hair wet because I insisted on washing my hair even though I have church in the morning. I think this is better though. Well, enough of easyjournal for tonight....
Posted on 10.15.2004 at 1:29 AM
Jesus Freak
DC Talk- Jesus Freak
Separated, I cut myself clean
From a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams
Been apprehended by a spiritual force
And a grace that replaced all the me I've divorced
I saw a man with tat on his big fat belly
It wiggled around like marmalade jelly
It took me a while to catch what it said
Cause I had to match the rhythm of his belly with my head
'Jesus Saves' is what it raved in a typical tattoo green
He stood on a box in the middle of the city
And claimed he had a dream
What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth
Kamikaze, my death is gain
I've been marked by my Maker
A peculiar display
The high and lofty, they see me as weak
Cause I won't live and die for the power they seek
There was a man from the desert with naps in his head
The sand that he walked was also his bed
The words that he spoke made the people assume
There wasn't too much left in the upper room
With skins on his back and hair on his face
They thought he was strange by the locusts he ate
The Pharisees tripped when they heard him speak
Until the king took the head of this Jesus freak
What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth
People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger
People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger
What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth
What will people think [What will people think]
What will people do [What will people do]
I don't really care [What else can I say]
There ain't no disguising the truth [Jesus is the way]
From the album Jesus Freak
Produced by Toby McKeehan and Mark Heimermann
Written by Toby McKeehan and Mark Heimermann
©1995 Up In The Mix Music (BMI)/Fun Attic Music (ASCAP)
Posted on 10.15.2004 at 3:31 PM
Separated, I cut myself clean
From a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams
Been apprehended by a spiritual force
And a grace that replaced all the me I've divorced
I saw a man with tat on his big fat belly
It wiggled around like marmalade jelly
It took me a while to catch what it said
Cause I had to match the rhythm of his belly with my head
'Jesus Saves' is what it raved in a typical tattoo green
He stood on a box in the middle of the city
And claimed he had a dream
What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth
Kamikaze, my death is gain
I've been marked by my Maker
A peculiar display
The high and lofty, they see me as weak
Cause I won't live and die for the power they seek
There was a man from the desert with naps in his head
The sand that he walked was also his bed
The words that he spoke made the people assume
There wasn't too much left in the upper room
With skins on his back and hair on his face
They thought he was strange by the locusts he ate
The Pharisees tripped when they heard him speak
Until the king took the head of this Jesus freak
What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth
People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger
People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger
That my best friend was born in a manger
What will people think
When they hear that I'm a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it's true
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth
What will people think [What will people think]
What will people do [What will people do]
I don't really care [What else can I say]
There ain't no disguising the truth [Jesus is the way]
From the album Jesus Freak
Produced by Toby McKeehan and Mark Heimermann
Written by Toby McKeehan and Mark Heimermann
©1995 Up In The Mix Music (BMI)/Fun Attic Music (ASCAP)
Posted on 10.15.2004 at 3:31 PM
Thursday, October 14, 2004
my roomie pt2
(Yeah...so yall thought I was finished? I never got to the point yesterday :) )
there is no pride, only glory for the Lord our God. I truly believe that. What right do we have to take pride in anything we do or anything that we are when God created and controls everything?
so back to the story...
So no one was representing God and like I said I wasn't crunk and upset about it because of pride, I just didn't want people to hear all of these different things about religion without hearing the TRUTH, not to knock other religions because I love everybody, but as a firm believer in Jesus Christ, I know He's the truth. So since everyone else was giving their religious spin on things, I wanted them to hear the Good News. Well, I kept feeling a tug at my heart because it would not accept the fact that there was nobody to represent God, but I was too much of a chicken to let God use me and the Holy Spirit speak through me. I don't think, well I know, that I am not orally articulate...especially when it comes to explaining something as complex and abstract as Christianity to a large group of tech people. So basically the Spirit was leading me to speak, but I didn't obey...and I felt bad too. Then the bestest roomie in the entire world, Hui, asked one of our Hall Directors if she could talk about Christianity, and she was like sure. However, the Islam presentation ran sooo long and was followed by the Baha'i presentation, so Hui had to agree to let people leave before she began to speak...in case they didn't want to hear about Jesus. So some people left and then the room quieted down. So my roomie began to speak and she was so humble and she seemed a little nervous at first and was breathing hard and she seemed to be reading the crowd for a reaction. She was doing her best to find her words and explain the gospel as clearly as possible and I was just sittin there thinkin, "man. look how awesome God is and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are." I knew that for Hui to stand up there and speak in such a relatively "cold" setting and in front of a lot of people was definitely stepping out of her comfort zone, but I saw that she was relying fully on Jesus and knew it was going to be alright. So, I just kept on smiling at her and trying not to cry. I was so teary eyed. It was so beautiful to me. Her love for Jesus was so strong that it exuberated from her being that she would put herself in such a position so that He might be glorified...and she loved the audience enough to know that they needed to hear what she had to say. We(the other Christians in the room) tried to help her out when answering questions. There were a LOT of questions...especially from the president of the Muslim Students Association. One thing I realized was just how deep Christianity is. I mean I already knew that, but it's like wow. The more you think you know, the more you learn you don't know. That comes into play a lot when you are trying to explain things to non-Christians, but thank God for the Holy Spirit. But yeah, just wanted to say that my roomie is an awesome child of God and I love her! :o)
Posted on 10.14.2004 at 2:01 PM
there is no pride, only glory for the Lord our God. I truly believe that. What right do we have to take pride in anything we do or anything that we are when God created and controls everything?
so back to the story...
So no one was representing God and like I said I wasn't crunk and upset about it because of pride, I just didn't want people to hear all of these different things about religion without hearing the TRUTH, not to knock other religions because I love everybody, but as a firm believer in Jesus Christ, I know He's the truth. So since everyone else was giving their religious spin on things, I wanted them to hear the Good News. Well, I kept feeling a tug at my heart because it would not accept the fact that there was nobody to represent God, but I was too much of a chicken to let God use me and the Holy Spirit speak through me. I don't think, well I know, that I am not orally articulate...especially when it comes to explaining something as complex and abstract as Christianity to a large group of tech people. So basically the Spirit was leading me to speak, but I didn't obey...and I felt bad too. Then the bestest roomie in the entire world, Hui, asked one of our Hall Directors if she could talk about Christianity, and she was like sure. However, the Islam presentation ran sooo long and was followed by the Baha'i presentation, so Hui had to agree to let people leave before she began to speak...in case they didn't want to hear about Jesus. So some people left and then the room quieted down. So my roomie began to speak and she was so humble and she seemed a little nervous at first and was breathing hard and she seemed to be reading the crowd for a reaction. She was doing her best to find her words and explain the gospel as clearly as possible and I was just sittin there thinkin, "man. look how awesome God is and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are." I knew that for Hui to stand up there and speak in such a relatively "cold" setting and in front of a lot of people was definitely stepping out of her comfort zone, but I saw that she was relying fully on Jesus and knew it was going to be alright. So, I just kept on smiling at her and trying not to cry. I was so teary eyed. It was so beautiful to me. Her love for Jesus was so strong that it exuberated from her being that she would put herself in such a position so that He might be glorified...and she loved the audience enough to know that they needed to hear what she had to say. We(the other Christians in the room) tried to help her out when answering questions. There were a LOT of questions...especially from the president of the Muslim Students Association. One thing I realized was just how deep Christianity is. I mean I already knew that, but it's like wow. The more you think you know, the more you learn you don't know. That comes into play a lot when you are trying to explain things to non-Christians, but thank God for the Holy Spirit. But yeah, just wanted to say that my roomie is an awesome child of God and I love her! :o)
Posted on 10.14.2004 at 2:01 PM
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
my roomie
I saw the Holy Spirit move on Monday. We had all gone to a religious diversity thing as a staff at 8:30pm. So we get there and there are people to represent Judaism, Islam, Baha'i and Hinduism. So I'm sitting there like, who's representing God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit? So I ask Tobias my hall director where the Christian representative is (since this was supposed to be a diversity thing) and he of course denied responsibility for planning the event and then told me he was glad there wasn't a Christian representative because there are so many Christians. So I'm thinking, well it would be wrong to have a "diversity" program and not inlcude people who are caucasian even though caucasian people comprise the majority of my surroundings here at Tech, but then I also realized how often that does happen. It wasn't because of Christian pride though that I was upset that there was no Christian representative. THERE WAS NO ONE representing MY GOD.
Posted on 10.13.2004 at 11:07 AM
Posted on 10.13.2004 at 11:07 AM
Sunday, October 10, 2004
stop playin
Alright, so basically it's time for me to stop playing and get on the ball in my walk as a Christian. It's time for me to seriously stop trying to rely on myself because that's obviously not going to work. I think God is sitting back thinking "How much do I have to put on her a semester and deliver her from before she will start to rely on me and not herself." With each increasing semester it seems, I have been getting more and more stressed...even over this summer I was stressed. I thought I was stressed, but now I'm really stressed. The whole PL thing is crazy now. Last year our floor was placid, now there is so much to think about. God has entrusted me with so much. I feel blessed to be in such a position to serve Him, but at the same time its a lot of responsibilty. I have so many things to think about just in terms of our floor alone, not to mention my day to day interactions and struggles in my own life. And therein lies the problem, I'm acting like "I" am the person who has to bear this burden and I should be handing it over to Jesus. With each new semester it seems as though I'm less involved activity-wise, but exponentially more busy so OBVIOUSLY God is trying to get at me. I don't blame Him though. I need to stop trippin, trying to be Shera over here and do everything myself. What the heck is wrong with me?! He ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS provides for me and yet I always try to carry the burden as far as possible. It's so stupid, but I guess mere human nature is that of stupidity. Self-reliance is fluke and the illusion of independence, but we all depend someone or something, so why don't we rely on something reliable. "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.~2 Corinthians 4:18" That passage may seem intangible, but it's real. It's the word of God. What's unseen is ETERNAL. It's everlasting. That means it won't run out on you...like substances or people. God is eternal, so why not rely on him? We have so much faith in sports teams and even in our cars and in the people we love, but what about God. Stop and think for a moment, has he EVER let you down? Naw, for real. I'm not talkin about something as minute and insignificant as a test grade that has NO eternal bearing whatsoever. I mean, have you undergone any hardship that did not eventually work out, for the good?...or at least make you stronger. Deaths are never good, but God always allows them to happen for a reason according to him infallible plan. So maybe instead of turning away from Him, we should turn to Him and ask Him why things happen and not other humans who have the same amount of a clue that we have or even less still?
I don't know why I felt compelled to write the above statements, but I hope that someone may be blessed with them. I don't even know how I ended up talking about death...
God is awesome and He's waiting to be YOUR best friend if you will pursue a relationship with Him.
"A Mighty Good Leader"- Audio Adrenaline
Flooded by an ocean
Of some mixed emotions
they got you down again
Pride and passion
Physical attraction
Whatever thing you're in
These temptations
Causing you frustrations
What you need is a friend
Someone who loves you
Who is above you
Take away all your sin
Help is on the way (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Help is on the way
A mighty good leader is on the way
He's the only one gonna come and save the day
It's alright, yeah, uh-huh, its Ok
'Cause the mighty good leader is on the way
Now this someone
Knows where you come from
Doesn't care where you've been
He can put back
Pieces that you lack
Make you whole again
Help is on the way (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Help is on the way
A mighty good leader is on the way
He's the only one gonna come and save the day
It's alright, yeah, uh-huh, its Ok
'Cause the mighty good leader is on the way
Posted on 10.10.2004 at 7:06 PM
I don't know why I felt compelled to write the above statements, but I hope that someone may be blessed with them. I don't even know how I ended up talking about death...
God is awesome and He's waiting to be YOUR best friend if you will pursue a relationship with Him.
"A Mighty Good Leader"- Audio Adrenaline
Flooded by an ocean
Of some mixed emotions
they got you down again
Pride and passion
Physical attraction
Whatever thing you're in
These temptations
Causing you frustrations
What you need is a friend
Someone who loves you
Who is above you
Take away all your sin
Help is on the way (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Help is on the way
A mighty good leader is on the way
He's the only one gonna come and save the day
It's alright, yeah, uh-huh, its Ok
'Cause the mighty good leader is on the way
Now this someone
Knows where you come from
Doesn't care where you've been
He can put back
Pieces that you lack
Make you whole again
Help is on the way (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Help is on the way
A mighty good leader is on the way
He's the only one gonna come and save the day
It's alright, yeah, uh-huh, its Ok
'Cause the mighty good leader is on the way
Posted on 10.10.2004 at 7:06 PM
Tuesday, October 5, 2004
Salt n Pepa
"I'm more than an object of your worldly affection
And I'm worth more than your part time attention
So pardon me if you aint attracted to the God in me
And if you can't hang dont start with me, dont bother me Stay off of me, don't make it hard for me."
Does anyone know what happened to Salt from Salt n Pepa? Well, she's a Christian artist now and the above hook is from her song "Pardon Me" on her "Salt of the Earth" CD. Check it out.
Posted on 10.5.2004 at 3:24 PM
And I'm worth more than your part time attention
So pardon me if you aint attracted to the God in me
And if you can't hang dont start with me, dont bother me Stay off of me, don't make it hard for me."
Does anyone know what happened to Salt from Salt n Pepa? Well, she's a Christian artist now and the above hook is from her song "Pardon Me" on her "Salt of the Earth" CD. Check it out.
Posted on 10.5.2004 at 3:24 PM
academic unrest
(academic unrest...as promised)
i am trying really hard to be content here at tech, but i'm not feeling it anymore. i wonder what's up? i mean i'm hanging in there, but i feel like a square peg in a round hole right now. to add to that, at church sunday a youth minister who was doing missions in new york city with New Hope New York (www.newhopenewyork.com) came and talked to us and what not. he was just saying if any of us felt moved to give up a year or a semester or a spring break and come up to new york and do missions work (big city. very low percentage of christians) then we could talk to him about this opportunity. they call it the 'leadership journey.' so i'm sitting there thinking for real? this may be the missions trip God has been waiting for me to go on...or maybe that's where I need to complete my education as an undergraduate. i would jump at the chance to go..its just that NO ONE else has my stupid major (as far as universities go) and I would miss my family terribly. Plus, I'm so close to finishing here at tech, why postpone it...i don't know though. the thought of possibly going to nyu or columbia university and doing God's work is really appealing to me, so if you're reading this right now, pray for me. pray that i will be able to clearly hear what it is that God is telling me to do and that I will have the faith and courage to obey Him.
Posted on 10.5.2004 at 1:08 AM
i am trying really hard to be content here at tech, but i'm not feeling it anymore. i wonder what's up? i mean i'm hanging in there, but i feel like a square peg in a round hole right now. to add to that, at church sunday a youth minister who was doing missions in new york city with New Hope New York (www.newhopenewyork.com) came and talked to us and what not. he was just saying if any of us felt moved to give up a year or a semester or a spring break and come up to new york and do missions work (big city. very low percentage of christians) then we could talk to him about this opportunity. they call it the 'leadership journey.' so i'm sitting there thinking for real? this may be the missions trip God has been waiting for me to go on...or maybe that's where I need to complete my education as an undergraduate. i would jump at the chance to go..its just that NO ONE else has my stupid major (as far as universities go) and I would miss my family terribly. Plus, I'm so close to finishing here at tech, why postpone it...i don't know though. the thought of possibly going to nyu or columbia university and doing God's work is really appealing to me, so if you're reading this right now, pray for me. pray that i will be able to clearly hear what it is that God is telling me to do and that I will have the faith and courage to obey Him.
Posted on 10.5.2004 at 1:08 AM
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