Every time I come home I see old photos from random times in my life. Tonight I was looking at photos from when I lived in Virginia. There were some from the summer of my 6th grade year and some from the summer after I had just left VA. I realized in looking at them that me and all the people in those pictures went way back, like back to 1st grade and it was crazy just having that connection. You know, having that whole familiarity and just having interwoven histories with those people. I think that subconsciously, I've been searching for that familiarity and connection with other people again. I just haven't been anywhere and around long enough to experience anything like that again. Plus, I really haven't been taking the time to cultivate relationships like that. You know, it's not as simple as having a seat assignment beside someone all year anymore or playing with them at recess. It's like I am an adult now. I actually have to work at building relationships. I have to make myself available and be a friend. Ok, I don't feel like writing this journal anymore. It sucks, but I'm going to post it anyway. It's officially Christmas Eve now YAY. One more day before I get to spend Christmas with the sister who's first 11 Christmases have been spent without me. I'm really excited.
Friday, December 24, 2004
old photos
Every time I come home I see old photos from random times in my life. Tonight I was looking at photos from when I lived in Virginia. There were some from the summer of my 6th grade year and some from the summer after I had just left VA. I realized in looking at them that me and all the people in those pictures went way back, like back to 1st grade and it was crazy just having that connection. You know, having that whole familiarity and just having interwoven histories with those people. I think that subconsciously, I've been searching for that familiarity and connection with other people again. I just haven't been anywhere and around long enough to experience anything like that again. Plus, I really haven't been taking the time to cultivate relationships like that. You know, it's not as simple as having a seat assignment beside someone all year anymore or playing with them at recess. It's like I am an adult now. I actually have to work at building relationships. I have to make myself available and be a friend. Ok, I don't feel like writing this journal anymore. It sucks, but I'm going to post it anyway. It's officially Christmas Eve now YAY. One more day before I get to spend Christmas with the sister who's first 11 Christmases have been spent without me. I'm really excited.
Monday, December 20, 2004
sleepy antiqueness
My little sister is at a sleepover. I remember those days, except I only had a handful (less than) of friends whose houses to sleepover, but its all good. It's so weird to see her growing up and all. I feel really old and I want to protect her from all of the holes I fell into and the mistakes that I've made, but I realize that I probably wouldn't be who I am now if I hadn't gone there. To fix her life such that she has no experiences of her own would not be good for her at all. I guess that is the realization parents come to when they decide to loosen the reigns and let allow their children to grow up. I don't know. There's probably a lot more to it than I can understand right now. I really wish it was this time next year. I would hopefully be preparing for my final semester at Tech and preparing for my life to start. This is not life, this is college. I still want my own house, my husband, 2.5 children and little house dog. I guess I want a lot, but is that too much to ask in life though? I don't think so. I really can not wait until I graduate. I must ask myself though, do I really want to leave all of this behind? By this I mean, being able to come to my parents house and be treated like a princess. Somewhere in between adult and little girl I have the autonomy of a 20 year old, but my parents take care of me and do extra things for me...like sending my presents off to New Orleans instead of making me get off my butt and do it. Ya know? I mean once I move out of the house, I'm out and this little groove that has been formed by my life as as young daughter will soon be leveled and I will either be mostly out on my own or I will have the responsibilties of financial stability and motherhood and wifehood. Dad would be semi-replaced by a husband who takes care of me and does little nice things for me and protects me as best he can. All of that sounds lovely, but there has to be a bit of nostalgia associated with the transition. And pregnancy, that must be a trip. Having my OWN child, has got to be mind-blowing. This has to be one of the best times and simultaneously the most frustrating times of my life. In this moment I am suspended between young adulthood and "grownfolk"-hood. It's like here I am at the brink of a fantastic life journey and there is sooo much to think of and expect and look forward to, so much to imagine and be happy about and daydream about. It's great. At the same time, it's slightly frustrated because patience must come along with my current position in life. I must wait for fireworks. I must hold off on the life and family of my own thing. Now is not exactly the time. It would be something better enjoyed if I wait and I know that. That's why I'm not trippin over this stuff. I guess all of this is what my mind's been filled with recently. Anyways...
Man, I am such a antique jewelry buff, well actually I like Edwardian and art deco rings to be exact. Well, I found this really nice website www.circa1930s.com (doesn't exist anymore apparently). If I had money I'd buy a ring off of there. I wonder if some people actually do order engagement rings and things like that online. It doesn't sound very wise to order the entire ring online, but maybe the setting (to get the diamond) later), I dunno. But yeah Edwardian and art deco stuff is so cool. I like Kate Hudson's ring, definitely art deco. It's gorgeous. I don't know what it is that I like about that stuff. Maybe I'm just history chick. History is very important to me and maybe to have an actual antique ring or a ring characteristic of what someone may have worn when my grandparents were my age is just my "thing" or something. It's craziness. I guess everyone has things they would collect if they could. Mine would be antique/antique-styled rings, not too flashy, but unique with a story behind them...just like the house I want to live in when I am financially secure. Ok, blah blah blah enough. I'm going to bed now.
Man, I am such a antique jewelry buff, well actually I like Edwardian and art deco rings to be exact. Well, I found this really nice website www.circa1930s.com (doesn't exist anymore apparently). If I had money I'd buy a ring off of there. I wonder if some people actually do order engagement rings and things like that online. It doesn't sound very wise to order the entire ring online, but maybe the setting (to get the diamond) later), I dunno. But yeah Edwardian and art deco stuff is so cool. I like Kate Hudson's ring, definitely art deco. It's gorgeous. I don't know what it is that I like about that stuff. Maybe I'm just history chick. History is very important to me and maybe to have an actual antique ring or a ring characteristic of what someone may have worn when my grandparents were my age is just my "thing" or something. It's craziness. I guess everyone has things they would collect if they could. Mine would be antique/antique-styled rings, not too flashy, but unique with a story behind them...just like the house I want to live in when I am financially secure. Ok, blah blah blah enough. I'm going to bed now.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
soup kitchen
Yay! I got to hang out with my homegirl today, Cicely. It was cool. We went shopping, ran into a few folk from high school (the reason we don't usually go shopping in augusta). It was good getting to see Danielle though. She's a sweetie. But yeah, Augusta is still Augusta. I guess everyone just looks extra un-sophisticated now (not like that's a word). I guess leaving metro Atlanta and coming back here, the general make up of Augusta just looks a little country and what not...or maybe ghetto is the word I'm searching for. This dude with gold fangs tried to holla at Cicely. He seemed nice, but fangs? No one tried to holla at me. I keep telling myself it's because I wasn't dressed all that cutely, but I think I'm not attractive to random guys anymore at first glance. I guess that feels kinda weird, but it's cool. I mean I don't want to be approached. That's not what I would call positive attention. Maybe I give off this "taken" aura or something. That's what I want to give off though. Man, walking around the mall tonight it was like "wow." Being in the mall so late at night USED to be a really BIG deal to me and Cicely and now its just "whatever." I was just thinking about things and it's funny how when you are younger and trying to act all cool and be all cute and get everyone's attention, you never stop to think about how you'll appear to yourself 5 years later in retrospect of that present moment. I could see shadows of myself in the little mall walkways and I saw myself in the overdressed young teens and I was grateful that God had matured me out of that. Looking back, my mindset just seems so ultra-stupid to me and all, just the whole let's grab some guys attention and collect numbers, that's really just NOT me anymore. I would like to think that with maturity came wisdom for me, but only God really knows about that one. Perhaps I am a bit wiser. I think I am. I am definitely able to see things for what they are a little better, but I think that comes with the continual process of God's lifting the veil from over my eyes as I grow in the Holy Spirit. Yes, definitely a process this whole thing. If you were to go back and read a entry from exactly a year, I would hope that you would find a seemingly different person than now. You certainly would if you flipped to Fall 2003. Oh I love this time of year. It symbolizes a new beginning for me. Yes, I have a new year's revolution...well and handful of them. One is to spend at least an hour a day with God and another is to spend more time for myself instead of being pulled in fifty thousand million directions. I really want to find out what my Destiny is in Christ Jesus, but I'm not acting like a person who wants to find out because a person who really wanted to know would be persistently asking God with each and every breath. Maybe I am scared to find out what it might really be. In a moment life can so totally change without any warning. But anyway, resolutions, get my BUTT to the gym so I can reclaim fine (if I ever really had "it"). This mini-gut thing I have going on is just absolutely NOT acceptable at all. I wouldn't want to develop a full-blown gut and fast food: just say NO! Those are a few of the things I have to flip around for 2005. I believe that those things (mainly the one's referring to God) are really going to change and shape my life. I have to rearrange my time and re-prioritize. I have to make a list of what things are important to me and in what order...an HONEST list of how things are with me priority-wise and a list of how my priorities SHOULD be. I have to make changes to my life were needed. I'm definitely only going to be devoting my time to the things that are in like the top 5. There is just not enough time or effort to do EVERY SINGLE ACTIVITY or thing that I might possibly think is "cute" or worth doing. I refuse to spend my life a slave to the direction in which society is moving. I need to spend some time getting back to the source. I have to bring it back or I'm going to lose who I am in God. I will NOT be a slave to cell phone and email and all of that. I love that, but I absolutely refuse to run around like a chicken with my head cut off this semester. I have to do so much better with my time. I do think making the priority list will help a lot if I am honest with myself.
Yeah so I know exactly what it is that I really really really want for Christmas, but I know that it is something I must wait on. I have become so impatient, but I still believe that I am still being mature about it. At least I am maybe acting patient. When I get to the point where I have let loose, then that won't be acceptable. I saw a falling/shooting star tonight. It was kinda cool. I didn't think those really exist...as a matter of fact I thought Cicely was seeing things, but then I saw one and she was like you should make a wish, and I was like "I don't make wishes" but on the real...I decided to make one, but it was my Christmas wish verbatim. What is a wish though? and what in the world is a "Christmas wish?" My wish won't come true until it ceases to be the desire of my heart, because currently what should be the desire of my heart is misplaced and until it's in the right place I couldn't partake in the wish that I placed on the shooting star, which was made by God. I definitely didn't address the shooting/falling star when I was wishing...what does "it" know? I guess I've never been superstitious really, but now I have every reason to know that I shouldn't be. Nothing happens by mere chance you know. I miss Sean a lot. I don't like this whole distance during the holidays thing...it doesn't amuse me one bit. That's the story of my life though. I can't have everyone I love around me during Christmas. I have to pick between my Mom (and stepdad and baby sis) and my biological Dad (and sis and stepmom) both of whom I love dearly, to spend Christmas. God forbid I have THREE households to choose from when trying to choose a Christmas location. Most married couples usually have 2 families to divide there visits between. I have 3 and my husband would certainly inherit the extra. It's cool though. Two families means you're twice as loved because I've also inherit two sets of step grandparents. My stepmom's family is ok. I still feel like a stepchild when dealing with them for the most part. But my stepdad's family is AWESOME. I never knew that I, someone who joined the family at the age of 6, could be so loved and so normally treated. I mean, I KNOW they love me and they don't see me as some freakish girl that belongs to their son's (brother's, cousin's) wife. I always feel quite the opposite around my stepmother's family in New Orleans. I've always felt like the sore thumb out down there and around her people. She's treated me like a daughter for the most part I guess, but she always refers to me as her stepdaughter or "George's girl." I guess that's part of why I don't particularly care for spending Christmas in New Orleans...over ever again for that matter. I would rather be with my mom and my second dad (he's not a stepfather to me at all). I know that here at home we won't have the awkward moments and the crappy gifts that were bought just so it could be said that they bought me a present. I mean, one year I got some tarnished earrings!...and if I get ONE more set of lotion I will probably just scream or something. I am so sick of being an afterthought. I want to be surrounded by love this holiday and stress-free. That's what I'm going for this Christmas. I can spend all day in pajamas and I won't be exposed to second-hand smoke of any kind and I won't have to act like I'm really happy about gifts that were thoughtless. Yeah, I know it's the thought that counts so if you were thinking "I really don't want to get George's daughter a gift or anything, but I'll just get her something because I have to" well this year you can keep your mess and leave it in the store or give the re-gifted gift to someone else, because I don't want it anymore. I am so glad to be HOME now. Anyone reading this right now, if you ever inherit a stepchild, treat them like and consider them your own and insist that your family do the same. Don't play favorites. The blood of flesh really ain't that thick...it's water. The blood of Christ is thick and that's the common bond that we all share as Christians. Ok, so I obviously got some things off my chest. I wonder if there's anyone reading this who kinda experienced the same things I've experienced with the whole stepchild-ish thing and the never a christmas with mom thing.
I bet you're wondering why the title of this journal is "soup kitchen." Well, I get to go serve at the soup kitchen about 8 hours from now. Therefore, I am now going to bed.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
home on the range
I like this whole being at home thing. It's really fun. I cooked today. My Christmas present for my mom was for me to take care of dinner for a week, so I fixed sloppy joes tonight and fixed hamburgers too for my picky little sister who doesn't like sloppy joes. It's cool though. I slept all day today and didn't get outta bed until my sister was home from school. I can't imagine living like this forever though. It's kinda lonely being in the house all day by myself and stuff and I really miss Sean too. I'm going to need for his family to move to Augusta so I can see him over our breaks from school. I know that's not feasible though. School at Tech will officially be over for me before I know it so I'm not even going to sweat it. I really should be taking this time to cultivate my relationship with God. Yeah, let me go do that now.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
jamaica dead week finals christmas break
It's been a while...
Jamaica
Ok, so yeah I went on a cruise to Jamaica and Grand Cayman Island during the week of Thanksgiving. It was really great to hang out with members of my family...especially those in my extended family and close family friends. I got a little bit of a tan because we went to the beach on Grand Cayman Island. Jamaica's landscape was absolutely beautiful. I think I'm going to live there for a while after I get my professional degree. In Jamaica we saw some of Dunn's River Falls and we went shopping a little bit. We weren't there long. We definitely weren't there long enough and all I really wanted to do was go to a grocery store and get a mango and some tamarind balls. I got the latter of the two, but in a novelty shop where they cost more than they do in America. Oh well then. It was nice getting to see a small piece of where my sweetie's family is from. I tried to do work on our Carnival cruise ship, but that was just not going to happen. All I really did was eat A LOT and sleep. That was pretty fun. Carnival is definitely a party ship so there was something going on ALL the time on the ship, especially on days we spent the entire day at sea. Next time I go to Jamaica though, I think I would rather fly in and see more stuff. I'm not interested in being touristy.
Dead Week
So yeah, when I got back to school from Jamaica it was Dead Week and I had an 8 page research paper due and a website to do within that week. The paper date was extended to the following Monday THANK GOD, but completing the website required that I learn how to use Dreamweaver very quickly. It all worked out though. I was mad stressed during dead week and slept very little and I didn't get to study for my EAS final during the week at all or that weekend even because I had to get the stupid George Eliot paper done, which was probably the lamest paper I've ever written. I feel sorry for my teacher that she had to read it, but it's her fault for building a course around George Eliot. But yeah, I survived Dead Week and all I had to do along with having a cold and it being insisted that I speak during our I/O Psych group presentation. YAY. Finals week hmmm...yeah very interesting..
Finals Week
Ok, here's the run down for finals week: I had my major authors "george eliot" paper due on Monday at noon, I/O Psych final on Tuesday at 9:15am, major authors final on Tuesday at 2:20pm and my EAS final on Friday at 8am. Iight, so I finished the paper at 11:20am on Monday and turned that thing in, then I took a nap and started studying for my I/O Psych final because I figured I could probably save my grade in there...plus major authors was later the next day. Going into the I/O final I had a low B. Going in the major authors final I had a very low B and I had not read but 16 of the 530+ pages of the novel that the final covered. As a result I did well on the I/O final and probably awful on the major authors final, but I figured it would work out. Iight, so after Tuesday I could finally study for the EAS test. I chilled the rest of Tuesday and devoted all day Wednesday to EAS. I didn't have the heart to think I would do well on the final. I absolutely loathed the class and the way the instructor taught and I figured I had a higher chance of getting a C and not stressing myself out than to stress myself out aiming for a B and still get a C...soo, I studied and did my best and then Wednesday night I went to sleep at 3am only to spontaneously wake up at 9:30am Thursday morning and realize I was an hour and a half late to the final. Holy crap! I rolled outta bed, dressed and then my lazy butt caught the stinger. I mean, since it was already there I figured if I rode the stinger to class I would get there at exactly the same time I would have had I run to the ECE building...only I would not be sweaty and flustered, so the stinger was a bonus. So on the bus, I'm tripping about how retarded walking into a final 2 hrs late is and how I would appear to the rest of the class and I was kinda flipping out, but I pulled it together when I reminded that God is in control and knew what He was doing. There had to be some reason He allowed me to wake up with enough time to possibly take the Final. Iight, so I get to the lecture hall and I go all the way to the front and I'm like, I just got here I need a copy of the final so the TA pulled the teacher aside and was like, she just got here. He was like, oh no! but he gave me a copy of the final to take. Later that day when I was telling some of my friends about being late to the final I realized that it hadn't even occured to me that he could have refused to allow me to take the final. That just made evidence of God's hand in my life even more clear. I finished all I could do on the final. I figured I probably got a C or D in the stupid class, but I was glad to be soooo DONE and especially done with EAS. So, I went to buy Hui-san's Christmas present and to take my sweetie some food, well to smuggle McDonald's into the library. It was kinda fun. Man it was raining ultra hard though at one point. Hmmm..so now....
Christmas Break
Ok, so now it's Christmas break. I just got home a few hours ago. I spent all weekend with my sweetie. On Saturday we helped his little sister build a gingerbread house. Please believe we hot glued that mug together (it was a kit). I figured waiting for the icing to set would take entirely too long. Later that day we had a Catalyst @GT iMovieFest meeting and then a Catalyst Christmas party. The food at the party was REALLY REALLY good. It was from Smokey Bones. I don't know if you've ever been there or not, but you should check it out. Those were the best ribs I have had in forever and I'm not even really a ribs person. On Sunday we were ultra late for church, but we made it there in time enough to at least get the gist of the message Brian was giving and we had wonderful praise music. Then, my sweetie stayed to practice for the Christmas show. I decided to go flat iron my hair in the bathroom because it was kinda poofy from being air-dryed a few days before after I had washed it. After his practice, we went to the mall and looked at stuff and then we went to a surprise get-together for Peta-Gaye. Congratulations girl! That was madd fun. The pizza and cake were good and even though I don't play games, I had fun playing taboo with everybody. I hate that we left early, but it was my fault for being anti-social. I am so used to going to events and half-staying that now when I'm in the company of people that I know I can trust to not do anything foolish, I tend to leave early anyway...just because. I need to stop that. I am becoming one of those weird introverted people that I never ever wanted to be when I used to be the kinda person that stayed until the very end of whatever it was and had to be sent home. All of that is going to change though. I guess I have been kinda getting re-acquainted with people in general and figuring out my personality-in-Christ, like what that's supposed be like. Still figuring out who this new Crystal chick is developing into. It's kind of fun though. I think I have just been slow to let people into my bubble lately. In order for me to form meaningful relationships and bonds with other Christians I have to be willing to let my guard down you know? I have to hang around a little bit and put myself out there. I have to get back to where I am more trusting of people. Everything that is supposed to happen will happen in due time so I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just glad that I have been given the chance to understand how I have been acting and what improvements and changes there are that need to be made on my social life's behalf. But anyways, I spent all of today with Sean and came home. I stayed a little bit longer so that we could watch the conclusion of Trading Spouses together; I think it worked out well even though it got a little ugly at times and the black lady cussed a lot. I checked my grades before I left my dorm room. I got two surprise A's so that was a blessing because had I gotten what I had expected my gpa would have dropped substansially. I know what I have to do to get it back where I want it to be so God and I are going to work on that and I have to cut out some of my time commitments and rearrange priorities, which won't be a bad thing at all. I'm excited about a fresh new start actually. I think I'm going to go sleep in my bed now. I have to wake up early tomorrow morning to go see my favorite doctor, the dentist. I was being sarcastic. I HATE going to the dentist. Anyways, Merry Christmas and all that tra la la even though I'm sure I'll be writing a journal on that date.
Jamaica
Ok, so yeah I went on a cruise to Jamaica and Grand Cayman Island during the week of Thanksgiving. It was really great to hang out with members of my family...especially those in my extended family and close family friends. I got a little bit of a tan because we went to the beach on Grand Cayman Island. Jamaica's landscape was absolutely beautiful. I think I'm going to live there for a while after I get my professional degree. In Jamaica we saw some of Dunn's River Falls and we went shopping a little bit. We weren't there long. We definitely weren't there long enough and all I really wanted to do was go to a grocery store and get a mango and some tamarind balls. I got the latter of the two, but in a novelty shop where they cost more than they do in America. Oh well then. It was nice getting to see a small piece of where my sweetie's family is from. I tried to do work on our Carnival cruise ship, but that was just not going to happen. All I really did was eat A LOT and sleep. That was pretty fun. Carnival is definitely a party ship so there was something going on ALL the time on the ship, especially on days we spent the entire day at sea. Next time I go to Jamaica though, I think I would rather fly in and see more stuff. I'm not interested in being touristy.
Dead Week
So yeah, when I got back to school from Jamaica it was Dead Week and I had an 8 page research paper due and a website to do within that week. The paper date was extended to the following Monday THANK GOD, but completing the website required that I learn how to use Dreamweaver very quickly. It all worked out though. I was mad stressed during dead week and slept very little and I didn't get to study for my EAS final during the week at all or that weekend even because I had to get the stupid George Eliot paper done, which was probably the lamest paper I've ever written. I feel sorry for my teacher that she had to read it, but it's her fault for building a course around George Eliot. But yeah, I survived Dead Week and all I had to do along with having a cold and it being insisted that I speak during our I/O Psych group presentation. YAY. Finals week hmmm...yeah very interesting..
Finals Week
Ok, here's the run down for finals week: I had my major authors "george eliot" paper due on Monday at noon, I/O Psych final on Tuesday at 9:15am, major authors final on Tuesday at 2:20pm and my EAS final on Friday at 8am. Iight, so I finished the paper at 11:20am on Monday and turned that thing in, then I took a nap and started studying for my I/O Psych final because I figured I could probably save my grade in there...plus major authors was later the next day. Going into the I/O final I had a low B. Going in the major authors final I had a very low B and I had not read but 16 of the 530+ pages of the novel that the final covered. As a result I did well on the I/O final and probably awful on the major authors final, but I figured it would work out. Iight, so after Tuesday I could finally study for the EAS test. I chilled the rest of Tuesday and devoted all day Wednesday to EAS. I didn't have the heart to think I would do well on the final. I absolutely loathed the class and the way the instructor taught and I figured I had a higher chance of getting a C and not stressing myself out than to stress myself out aiming for a B and still get a C...soo, I studied and did my best and then Wednesday night I went to sleep at 3am only to spontaneously wake up at 9:30am Thursday morning and realize I was an hour and a half late to the final. Holy crap! I rolled outta bed, dressed and then my lazy butt caught the stinger. I mean, since it was already there I figured if I rode the stinger to class I would get there at exactly the same time I would have had I run to the ECE building...only I would not be sweaty and flustered, so the stinger was a bonus. So on the bus, I'm tripping about how retarded walking into a final 2 hrs late is and how I would appear to the rest of the class and I was kinda flipping out, but I pulled it together when I reminded that God is in control and knew what He was doing. There had to be some reason He allowed me to wake up with enough time to possibly take the Final. Iight, so I get to the lecture hall and I go all the way to the front and I'm like, I just got here I need a copy of the final so the TA pulled the teacher aside and was like, she just got here. He was like, oh no! but he gave me a copy of the final to take. Later that day when I was telling some of my friends about being late to the final I realized that it hadn't even occured to me that he could have refused to allow me to take the final. That just made evidence of God's hand in my life even more clear. I finished all I could do on the final. I figured I probably got a C or D in the stupid class, but I was glad to be soooo DONE and especially done with EAS. So, I went to buy Hui-san's Christmas present and to take my sweetie some food, well to smuggle McDonald's into the library. It was kinda fun. Man it was raining ultra hard though at one point. Hmmm..so now....
Christmas Break
Ok, so now it's Christmas break. I just got home a few hours ago. I spent all weekend with my sweetie. On Saturday we helped his little sister build a gingerbread house. Please believe we hot glued that mug together (it was a kit). I figured waiting for the icing to set would take entirely too long. Later that day we had a Catalyst @GT iMovieFest meeting and then a Catalyst Christmas party. The food at the party was REALLY REALLY good. It was from Smokey Bones. I don't know if you've ever been there or not, but you should check it out. Those were the best ribs I have had in forever and I'm not even really a ribs person. On Sunday we were ultra late for church, but we made it there in time enough to at least get the gist of the message Brian was giving and we had wonderful praise music. Then, my sweetie stayed to practice for the Christmas show. I decided to go flat iron my hair in the bathroom because it was kinda poofy from being air-dryed a few days before after I had washed it. After his practice, we went to the mall and looked at stuff and then we went to a surprise get-together for Peta-Gaye. Congratulations girl! That was madd fun. The pizza and cake were good and even though I don't play games, I had fun playing taboo with everybody. I hate that we left early, but it was my fault for being anti-social. I am so used to going to events and half-staying that now when I'm in the company of people that I know I can trust to not do anything foolish, I tend to leave early anyway...just because. I need to stop that. I am becoming one of those weird introverted people that I never ever wanted to be when I used to be the kinda person that stayed until the very end of whatever it was and had to be sent home. All of that is going to change though. I guess I have been kinda getting re-acquainted with people in general and figuring out my personality-in-Christ, like what that's supposed be like. Still figuring out who this new Crystal chick is developing into. It's kind of fun though. I think I have just been slow to let people into my bubble lately. In order for me to form meaningful relationships and bonds with other Christians I have to be willing to let my guard down you know? I have to hang around a little bit and put myself out there. I have to get back to where I am more trusting of people. Everything that is supposed to happen will happen in due time so I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just glad that I have been given the chance to understand how I have been acting and what improvements and changes there are that need to be made on my social life's behalf. But anyways, I spent all of today with Sean and came home. I stayed a little bit longer so that we could watch the conclusion of Trading Spouses together; I think it worked out well even though it got a little ugly at times and the black lady cussed a lot. I checked my grades before I left my dorm room. I got two surprise A's so that was a blessing because had I gotten what I had expected my gpa would have dropped substansially. I know what I have to do to get it back where I want it to be so God and I are going to work on that and I have to cut out some of my time commitments and rearrange priorities, which won't be a bad thing at all. I'm excited about a fresh new start actually. I think I'm going to go sleep in my bed now. I have to wake up early tomorrow morning to go see my favorite doctor, the dentist. I was being sarcastic. I HATE going to the dentist. Anyways, Merry Christmas and all that tra la la even though I'm sure I'll be writing a journal on that date.
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