Today I emptied all of my issues out onto Sean and I must tell you how much it hurts to not know what's going on with him... and he used to tell me. Now I'm feeling a little solemn and subdued. It was nice seeing him but dang my heart hurts and there is nothing I can do about it. Fill the void with empty moments with pointless, empty negros. So that's one cause of my perpetual saltiness: Sean is no longer my balancing complement. It doesn't look like we have a quiz in my Race class, so that's great. How is it possible to feel alone and feel the Lord is with me all the time? The void in my life is emptying again and I'm conscious of my feeble attempts to fill it with superficial, less-than-everlasting(eternal) things and I say I don't live for this moment, but what if this moment is all I have? Tomorrow is NOT promised, but my spiritual feet remain planted in stagnant complacency. I think I shall go to Piedmont Park tomorrow morning for quiet time. Lord what are you saying to me? I can't hear you. My life is too loud. I am not happy being complacent, but I don't have the strength to filter out my distractions. I'm at that peculiar point on the brink of crazy where I can perceive how things are spinning out of control before, but I allowed You a larger percentage of the wheel or at least that was the illusion You allowed me to percieve. I JUST WANT TO CRY NOW.
Posted on 9.23.2005 at 11:24 PM
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