I do have a few praises for today before I get started... God woke me up this morning. He let my TA give me a time extension on my paper. I got to work on time. Today was the last day of classes for this semester... etc.
On the flip side... (I'm going to whine now) I just made yet another undecision about something I've wanted to do since I was five. So I'm like wow. I wanted to conquer my fear but is my fear a premonition? I think my headache and certain wave of unsocialness hit me for a reason. I didn't PRAY about this... well I did and maybe this was my answer. I hate being so unresolved. I know I should choose and stick with but it's soooo hard. God could bless my decison to wait, but He could also bless my decision to proceed... and maybe through it I could learn to rely on Him more. But you shouldn't bring hardship on yourself purposely right? I mean it doesn't seem to me as though one should do that. I don't need to intentionally test God's strength. So... I undecided what I thought I had decided for once and all and subsequently I decided that I'd pray about this from now and through the break and wait for an answer, and the courage to go with whatever the answer is. Maybe an opportunity will present itself next semester, maybe not. This may have been my last shot for this school year and I may have blown it, but I would have been at peace or at least less unpeaceful about it if I was actually supposed to go. I didn't have that confidence that I should have in Christ. I'm irked by hearing my roomate playing guitar or hearing her bass often. I have a need for silence after a stressful day. I HATE living in a dorm/apt whatever the heck. You'd think with that attitude I'd be motivated to overachieve so that I can make some money at some point to be living like I want to live... and I want my stuff back after it's borrowed. I can't be mean and say no to everything, but dang.
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