closure? yes... clarity? somewhat... determined? definitely

::poema::

No, I don't know you
But I would like to get to
If you'll only let me...

Seems crazy how seasons change
and everything refuses
to stay the same.
You said go,
So I did
and I will not carry anything with me.
One moment you're holding on
The next finds you free to be
whoever it is that you are now
without reservation.
Doors slam shut forever
Others open.
You can't go back there.
Only move forward.
Forward into where?
The terrain of who you are.

::el fin de poema::


I don't expect anyone to know what the *doot* I'm talking about in this poem because it's straight talk from my brain... not meant for you to understand. This journal exists so that I can type out my thoughts and possibly begin to figure out what's really going on up in my life.

I've been praying the past two nights, plus this one... however, not how you would expect. I really know what I want... at least for the moment. I hope my answer is yes, but I will continue fervently. It all seems so clear to me, and yet I know that something's whacky about this but I've gone over the deep end somewhat in this one desire of mine and I'm willing to suffer whatever consequences (at least I think so) if I'm just allowed to have what it is I want. The last times I've prayed this hard things happened... like our move to Georgia and people survived ordeals. I feel like this is all so petty but I'm so serious, this is my future. I can't remember the last time I wanted something so much. I'd say this is gettin pretty serious... whatever this situation is. One can't disclose all.