It started out fabulously with Thursday night(my actual birthday) and my not-usual crew. Patron is my friend and I was excited about my first NightLifeLink.com picture. I even got to wear my shirt that I've had for 2 months... I CLEARLY put a safety pin in it though, because it's doing entirely too much without one.
I got invited out on Friday to Compound, however, I was with Enid and her folk celebrating HER birthday. Omg, I had SO much fun. The last time I laughed so much and so hard was when I was still dating Sean, so I think the evening was really blessed. I didn't get back until 3am-ish and I'm glad I went out with them instead of to the club. I felt soooo good. Coming back to an empty apartment was hella difficult though. I'm always alone with the exception of roomates (and roomate boyfriend) so if you take that away I'm kind of pitiful....
...kinda like how I was ALL of Saturday, with the exception of the folk I saw at the CRC and at Arby's. I appreciate VJB for calling a sista up though. I cleaned my room and did my hundred tons of laundry, felt great about that. Then later that evening, I just got this urge of independence... well dependence on God certainly, but like I didn't need people to do most things, well anything. I went to the gym and ran by myself and lifted weights. I was soooo proud of myself seriously. I committed to going most days. I was thinking every day, but I know that's not me... so if I miss I day I go the following morning. So far I'm doing well with that. I like being intrinsically motivated... and going to the gym on my own time. I'm really busy and can't go with a group of folk all the time. I kinda feel like I'm not designed to be apart of a seriously tight friend circle. I'm designed to be the outsider, at least for now. I'm always passing through and not putting down roots anywhere. I'm also guilty of seriously taking folk for granted... so I'm working on letting people know how much they mean to me. One of my homegirls made me a cake FROM SCRATCH for my birthday and gave me a pralines and cream candle. I mean how sweet is that? She spent hours making me a cake with her busy schedule?! I mean WoW, that's love. SB brought me flowers (I mean sure he was late, but flowers). You have no IDEA how long I've wanted someone to just bring me flowers. I mean pick me a daffodil or something. Tell me I'm pretty and meaningful to you... I'm worth a thought. I forget that sometimes. I know true affirmation comes from God, but I also feel like He sometimes uses others to speak through.
So Sunday... I went to church (to tutor) then I went to the gym again, felt good. I went on Monday too... and I'm going in a few hours as well (since I skipped Tuesday)... then I'm napping until 12 unless I'm really awake.
God my life REALLY sucks in a couple areas in particular.
Posted on 3.8.2006 at 12:27 AM
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