God wants me to have more meaningful relationships built around the bond we share in Christ Jesus. Yes, there is fellowship in suffering but fellowship in suffering without drawing near to God is just suffering. Misery loves company, but misery should one day stop being miserable. That's what I plan to do. I won't hide my hurt or my heart anymore.
...freewrite...
It's only right that in approaching my situation anewI should introduce you to my best friend, Hurt. Hurt is my closest companion and we've been chillin hard since the end of last June. Hurt and I are so tight that I've managed to replace God with Him That's only if God ever really got a piece of me. I probably replaced used hurt to fill the hole that was left when I found myself alone. Even though this summer was extremely social I've come to the realization that me and Alone have been chillin all year, he's only second to Hurt. If I cling to Hurt and refuse to let genuine people get close to me, He'll be all I continue to have and what kind of life is that? I mean what kind of mother would I be if I live my life as a reaction to the pain I've felt? I don't want to be that mother, or that wife. The hurt I feel from day to day is deeper than any bandage could do justice, yet I refuse to trade Hurt for happines and completion. I envision a Jesus with outstretched arms, but I seem to prefer fetal position and dry tears because my tear ducts haven't been allowed to replenish their supply. If I look tired, it's because my soul is heavy. I drag my feet from day to day just hoping that God will make a way for me, seeing that He has and continues to, I stubbornly continue doing my own thing though clearly it's not working. How many brick walls, broken relationships, abandonments, sleepless nights, and weak moments will it take for me to succumb to the Love He offers? I pray that I will have an inkling of a heart left by then.
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