The daffodil I picked for myself last night is dead now, but at least I was able to have it for a while in its prime. I've decided that I love daffodils... just like my mommy. Um, anyways, here is a conversation just 'cause:
me (12:58:39 AM): i've realized i'm too prideful to cry around people
me (12:58:48 AM): i am mad i jus figured that out
a friend (12:58:52 AM): lol
me (12:59:02 AM): i feel like i gotta be strong for erybody else
me (12:59:14 AM): except for my family
a friend (12:59:15 AM): i was that way about my mom, but that was cuz she'd ridicule me for it
me (12:59:18 AM): and sean
me (12:59:20 AM): awww
me (12:59:35 AM): i guess i feel like i have no reason to cry
me (12:59:38 AM): but i do hurt
me (12:59:50 AM): i have to acknowledge that and let it be acknowledged
a friend (1:00:23 AM): crying is whatever to me after all that crap i went through with mom, if i didn't cry to somebody i'da been lost completely
a friend (1:00:44 AM): especially after ******* couldn't deal with it
me (1:01:53 AM): yeh
me (1:01:56 AM): i feel that
me (1:02:12 AM): i've always been allowed to cry and rarely ridiculed for it, so i dont kno why i'm like this
me (1:03:44 AM): i've had like the happiest, most carefree life
Maybe I'm just looking at my life through rose colored glasses trying to ignore the pain that I've felt and feel at times. I obviously need God, so it's not like things can be perfect without Him. How can I cry for myself when I see a lady sitting on the sidewalk on North Avenue in 20 degree weather? I hear too much about what other people go through for me to even really be able to allow myself to call whatever I'm going through a 'struggle'. I've never known poverty or sexual assault or a strained relationship with my parents or siblings. I certainly don't want to know these things either... ah well. I should read now.
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