Infatuation is a...

Bitch... (excuse my language there please) but guess what, it's still a celebration. I'm celebrating the slow turn I'm back toward my Savior, my forthcoming graduation and subsequent entrance into grad school... and who knows, maybe somewhere along that path God has placed a man for me. That would just be extra celebration though cuz the biggest thing is the spiritual dimension of all of this. I looked into myself and I saw nothing but emptiness. This whole life thing is breaking me down. Have I FINALLY realized that just like everyone else, I can't do this whole thing alone? Maybe so. Things are only getting increasingly worse on the inside of my mind. My cognitions especially toward myself are just dreadful and the whole situation with ol' dude didn't help but infatuation tends to take one down pointless roads leading nowhere. Had I not been infatuated I would have seen and accepted the red flags... and I wouldn't still care now in the back of my mind. He wasn't able to appreciate who I am for a number of reasons... one, God never came up... that's a biggie. If I see you three times it should only be natural that He comes up. A person I've spoken to on the phone a couple of times has discussed godly things with me at some point during those couple of times. I don't need a man that allows God to be an afterthought... although that's exactly what I've been doing with my disintegrated life for a while, considering Him last. The blind simply can not lead the blind in this matter. I don't deserve a man of God or any other blessing that the Lord would choose to bestow on me, especially now... not that I ever deserved anything he's ever given me... least of all His life. Man, why couldn't I pull it together and go to church tonight? I'm such a loser. I'm so sad you really just don't know. I look like everything's fine but crying has become a pastime for me.

On a lighter note, I was proposed to today... lol. Naw someone proposed that we start a blog together to keep in touch... beautiful idea. Yall are NOT getting the url though... whenever we figure out what that's going to be.

I've decided that I'm getting my tattoo soon. Yeah, decided huh... CLEARLY soon is a very vague word.

I'll leave you with this:
All that glitters is not golden, especially when it comes to attraction. I thought I knew that.