frequency

Club Frequency sucked. I was just there to be there but the fact that I was there says something... well it raises questions. All I could think while I was there was "Why am I here?" "Is this the type of life you want to perpetuate for yourself?" "Look at the girl shaking her butt over there on the stage... on that dude, what is the meaning of all that, what are the eternal implications of that?" "You know who God is, so why did you even bother to come here... it's not like you're having fun?" Maybe it's that the misconception I have in my mind about clubbing and partying is that it's fun to me... well it's gotten really old really quickly and I'm tired of the meaningless music, the meaningless, empty guys guaging the worth of a female on her shape or how she moves. I only have fun when I'm slizz... and even then it's not really fun because I'm just kinda removed from what's really going on and it bothers me a little less that I wasn't having fun in the first place. And I'm getting tired of D4L, Ben Hill Squad, Three Six Mafia, Lil' Jon... every damn body. 'Do yo dance on dat hoe'? What does that mean?! Why is that worth saying? I mean I like the beat but what am I pumping into my heart constantly? I hate being so out of touch with who I am... or maybe this is who I am... just not who I KNOW I'm supposed to be. Well I see that, but I don't have the strength to get myself together and get back in line. It doesn't help that my friends are going out all the time. I don't take kindly to being alone. I did meet two girls about a month or so ago that I need to contact... maybe I'll do that via email because my pride won't let me pick up the phone... or I could just be using that as a crutch. And MySpace is the devil. I should delete my account asap, but I don't want to because I like conversating with random people... That's not a good excuse though. Something I've been meaning to do is find different things to do other than your standard shopping, dinner, movie, club or stay in. I know there's more.