the door is stuck

I know that I'm supposed to be happy and content with the fact that for a while I was able to be around you all the time and have you as my best friend if only for a moment... but how can I be when I'm no longer in the circle. You'd never call me for anything and if I call you it always feels like I did something wrong, so I'm stuck. When I'm delirious (like I am now) my emotions come to the front, everything I've been dealing with just floats up to the top.