You could say today's been a good day. I rolled out of bed around 1:30pm or so, showered and came down to the computer. Oh yeah, I grabbed myself a brownie out of the fridge for brunch, lol. The brownies I made last night have chocolate chips and walnuts in them... kinda yummy, but I only made them because I knew there would be a few folk over to eat them. I'm not trying to be fat, and I know they have a ridiculous amount of calories per brownie. Enough talk of brownies...
I've been feeling blah today. I haven't had a reason to go ANYWHERE, not campus, not the store, not down the street... nowhere. That's weird because I always have somewhere to go, but there's no point in wasting gas or just wasting money otherwise for absolutely nothing. I don't have anyone to visit. I'm sick of reading and watching the stupid TV like that's supposed to be something special. I really can't wait for classes to start so that something substantial will fill my time a bit. My sis is coming next week and that will be cool, but I can't bear the idea of no interaction with other humans. These lame rent office people certainly aren't the folk I want to interact with. They are fake as hell to say the least and I hate being here. I'm only here to use the computer, but I think that I may start going to the library so I can get up outta here until I get my laptop.
Oh yeah, this is really nice to know... Me and my homegirl were in my room last night (she was braiding my hair) and this ridiculously large waterbug or whatever it was ran across my wall and we both jumped up and let out bloodcurdling screams quite a few times and it wasn't even that late and no one came to see if we were ok, so now I don't feel safe at all in this dang place. I mean, God forbid I get stabbed to death or something while I'm living here and people hear it and don't give a crap. I mean, really? I may as well be living on an island, because Lord knows I feel like I'm on one. I don't have anyone to reach out to or anything, I mean not really. I have folk, but no advocate. I hate being so isolated and so out of touch. Honestly I'm kinda pissed that I wasn't able to go to church last night because of my hair. We had started it Tuesday night and it wasn't in the condition for me to show up at church with it like that. It's sad too, because on Tuesday night I had felt so delivered from Monday night's experience that I was soooooo excited about being able to go to church on Wednesday... for real. I feel like a punk for letting my plans get messed up, but at the same time the fact that my hair is STILL not done and we're moving onto a night 3 means that maybe it was a good decision for me to stay and let her do my hair. I will be missing service on Sunday too because my sister's coming to town and I'm taking her to Augusta to see mommy and them. I'd have to leave AUG at 12 to make the 2pm and I know how my family hates for me to rush to leave town. I'm sure leaving early will be worth it though.
Life is good, I can't deny. There's nothing surfacely wrong, but I seriously have the blues. I guess I contemplate my future too often and I don't see anyone... and I'll admit that I'm fighting the urge to covet what others have. I wish that "I" would lose importance in my life, you know... that I would fade into the background and lose "Me" in something meaningful. This focusing on myself is a slow killer and before I know it will have me and I won't be able to shake loose.
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