I'm still kickin

me (10:48:37 PM): yah, my homegirls did a verbal driveby on this drunk white guy
me(10:48:39 PM): last night
friend (10:49:59 PM): y
friend (10:50:08 PM): or wat did they say i guess
me (10:50:18 PM): they called him a f'ing cunt repeatedly
me (10:50:35 PM): because thats what he said to one of our friends in the restaurant/bar as we were leaving it
friend (10:51:02 PM): i coulda told them it was dumb to walk thru a thick crowd of drunk white people (mostly guys) anyway
me (10:51:14 PM): but i'm never in charge when we go out
me (10:51:15 PM): lol
friend (10:52:40 PM): shoulda whooped his ass
friend (10:52:43 PM): but thats just me
me (10:53:16 PM): well, i dont like to feel like my friends are adding to my endangerment while i'm out
me (10:53:33 PM): i'm 5'3 i'm not beating a grown man's ass
friend (10:53:54 PM): not that im telling u to fight
friend (10:54:09 PM): but there are plenty of ppl ur height that wont ever get messed with
me(10:54:33 PM): yah
me (10:55:02 PM): i jus didnt like how they handled it i guess, and i couldn't vibe with the satisfaction they felt at yelling at him out of the window
me (10:56:10 PM): but i'm not a vengeful person
me (10:56:17 PM): other things are more important to me
me (10:56:55 PM): i guess i feel like my friends can be reckless sometimes and i dont want to be dragged into a bad situation
friend (10:57:00 PM): ur def a stronger person than me
friend (10:57:07 PM): ya i def get u
me (10:57:40 PM): last night wasn't helped by the preceding night's behavior
me (10:57:45 PM): i guess that's why i'm on this kick
friend (10:59:38 PM): sounds like a great passes couple days
me (10:59:55 PM): my homegirl was cursing out of the window at other drivers in the parking lot at vegas nights
me (11:00:00 PM): i thought we were going to get shot
me (11:00:09 PM): she was the ONLY person in the wrong
me (11:01:06 PM): she CANT freaking drive
me (11:01:19 PM): but she wanted to yell and be mean psycho biyatch to others
me (11:01:25 PM): and we weren't at some upscale clube
me (11:01:30 PM): vegas nights is white tees
me (11:01:35 PM): i'm so done
me (11:01:36 PM): lol
friend (11:02:10 PM): dang
friend (11:02:15 PM): u gotta get ur ppls in check
me (11:02:26 PM): she will not drive me ever again
me (11:02:31 PM): if i can help it
friend (11:04:08 PM): prolly a good idea
me (11:05:06 PM): i really gotta stop straddling the fence spiritually abt my nightlife
friend (11:05:48 PM): whachu mean
me (11:06:44 PM): im jus havin a conflict between my going out and dancing up on guys to music that i know Jesus wouldn't be doin the pool palace too
me (11:07:05 PM): and knowing what i should be doing instead
me (11:07:06 PM): iono
me (11:07:24 PM): and the club is just a way for me to escape spiritual reality
me (11:07:39 PM): but do i really want to be grindin on some nameless dude when Jesus returns
me (11:08:43 PM): there are things that i have been doing over the past year that i dont have peace abt
me (11:08:59 PM): because i know that i'm choosing to go opposite of what i've been shown to be right
me (11:09:18 PM): i dont condemn others for doing the stuff but i feel like i dont have an excuse
friend (11:09:55 PM): i mean i feel where ur coming from
friend (11:10:11 PM): and u seem like u feel strong about it
friend (11:10:20 PM): but i mean is it so bad though?
me (11:10:29 PM): yah...
friend(11:10:32 PM): ur dancing
friend (11:10:40 PM): but ur not hooking up with all these ppl
me (11:10:40 PM): i can dance by myself
me (11:10:52 PM): and i usually do so that's not the issue really
friend (11:10:58 PM): u could also sit at home all day
me (11:11:01 PM): not the issue alone
me (11:11:15 PM): or i could go do something personally edifying
me (11:11:36 PM): the times where i've felt like im in the 'zone' and just straight peaceful about it
me (11:12:10 PM): have been when i've been out with other folk who are seeking God and doing stuff that my heart isn't mixed abt
friend (11:12:55 PM): naw i def see wat ur saying
friend (11:13:12 PM): and im def not putting down wat ur saying
me (11:13:13 PM): with the club thing its the music (lyric-wise), the physical presentation (skimpy clothes), mindset (ok with objectification... for females anyway), instant gratification
me (11:13:22 PM): o naw, i didnt thnk u were
me (11:13:29 PM): talking to u is actually me thinking thru it more
me (11:13:37 PM): cuz its been naggin me for sooo long
friend (11:13:49 PM): ya i mean i guess the way i see things now
friend (11:13:56 PM): is that if i died right now
friend (11:14:05 PM): and i go talk to god about my life
friend (11:14:18 PM): would i be ashamed of dancing with a girl out somewhere
friend (11:14:29 PM): i mean thats how i try to think of most things
me (11:14:43 PM): that's a good way to think abt it
friend (11:14:48 PM): is this something i'd be afraid to admit even though he knows
friend (11:14:57 PM): or could i say it and be coolwith it
friend (11:15:02 PM): ya i thought so
friend (11:15:09 PM): it helps me make better decisions i think
me (11:15:30 PM): yah, helps u know whether or not ur convicted abt something
friend(11:16:08 PM): and regret
friend (11:16:09 PM): i regret most of the stuff i do
friend (11:16:11 PM): which is one of the many reasons i have insomnia
friend (11:16:25 PM): but some stuff i do its just because im human and i make mistakes
. . .
me (11:17:06 PM): prob with me is that when i'm in these places i have this movie moment where i'm having a personal quiet time in the midst of all the madness
. . .
me (11:18:00 PM): in my personal quiet time its like a hear a voice saying, crystal, really.... look around
me (11:18:11 PM): is this the culture u want to endorse
me (11:18:49 PM): and i start feeling sorry for people who aren't able to step outside of the situation and see it more clearly
me (11:18:55 PM): like, see past it
me (11:19:13 PM): i know that for many people clubbing and dancing is church
friend (11:19:14 PM): or maybe there are ppl who could be xactly like u
friend (11:19:21 PM): ya tru
me (11:19:25 PM): very tru also
me (11:19:40 PM): i'm sure there are people in there fighting inwardly like me
me (11:19:55 PM): u kno how sometimes u feel like ur holding out on God
me (11:19:57 PM): ?
friend (11:20:07 PM): def
me (11:20:36 PM): i feel like God has looked over my life, pointed to nightlife and said, 'let me have that'
me (11:20:56 PM): and like a fussy 2 yr old i've shaken my head and whined/fussed 'no'
me (11:20:59 PM): just stubborn
me (11:21:06 PM): like what God has to offer isnt better
me (11:21:25 PM): perhaps i can't progress from my current situation if i won't hand this thing that i love over to him
me (11:22:15 PM): (current situation: still heartbroken)
friend (11:22:43 PM): those wonderful life dilemas
me(11:23:17 PM): i'm getting off of the fence
me (11:23:32 PM): i have to put clubbing behind me
me (11:23:41 PM): cuz i can't live like this anymore
friend (11:27:00 PM): u sure
me (11:28:31 PM): yah i'm sure
me (11:28:47 PM): since i keep feeling like that's what i should not being doing right now
friend (11:29:51 PM): ya i getcha