grad school. changes

So... I started grad school yesterday. I found my classrooms with no trouble, and managed to walk around Ga State looking like I had actually gone there before.... except for the fact that I wasn't wearing stilettos and make up. Stuff like that wouldn't hurt my appearance, but I'd appreciate a guy more who thought I was attractive without all of the extra... plus I'm not up at Ga State trying to catch a dude (not that there's anything wrong with Ga State guys). I have a spiritual agenda that doesn't include trying to lure a man. If said man happens to come along while Jesus and I are bonding, then so be it. Though if I were into the business of allurement I know who I'd target, but I'm quite certain that I won't find him in my classes at State. Plus adding to my physical self wouldn't make me more alluring (if I am at all) to him, but my heart for God and love of others would.

The changes

I'm very pleased with the changes going on in my life now, my decisions to stay away from certain situations and cut ties with people I'd gotten mixed in with during the past year (namely a guy or two). One particular break was especially difficult for me even though the situation was the worst, but with God's strength I was able to say goodbye. I thought ahead about it though, and anticipated that the person would contact me within a few weeks (even though we had discussed that our affiliation was over and that we were to remove each other from our phones). Lo and behold he texted me today. It was a test, and I almost failed it because I thought about replying but when I reminded myself that it was in my best spiritual interest to not reply, I simply deleted the text. Re-admitting him into my life would screw up what I'm trying to do, and with where I'm trying to go I can't have dead weight. I don't know if anyone anyone anyone around me can see the change within me, but I'm seriously trying to do big spiritual things here and if I see that something or someone is a roadblock, I have to let that thing or that person go. Life is too crucial for that. God's plans for my life are too great for me to knowingly and willfully allow things to get in the way of that. Why should I delay in letting Him transform me into who I'm meant to be? I didn't see it before now because I was having "fun" but after all of the awful things I've been through emotionally and spiritually these past 14 months having lost my best friend and doing things on my own it has become clear to me, and I'm ready to walk in the Light and follow my Savior, because without Him I've realized that my life is crap.
Posted on 8.22.2006 at 6:37 PM