What makes you like the dude?

I received a text earlier today from someone who had decided to stop hanging out with me because I said I was only interested in being his friend (just friend, no benefits, nothin). I had previously told him about someone I was interested in (or thought I was interested in is more like it). "What makes you like the dude?", was the text that he sent me today. So of course I'm like, why does it have to be all of that? Sometimes it's like Applejacks "I just do, ok" but on the real some conversations are better left for voice or in person. Text messages don't do everything justice. Then one of my friends pointed out to me that it wasn't a matter of "why do you like this dude over me" but rather "Why do you like this dude, so that I can see what women want?" This was a different concept for me... I hadn't thought of the situation in those terms. Later the ex-guy friend confirmed what my other friend had said. He "always asks women that to help [him] find out what women like."

o....k....

So now I'm like hmm... I will not sit here and say that some desires amongst women do not overlap when it comes to finding a mate, but to ask "what women like" still teeters on the edge of generalizing female kind. Because personalities are different, tastes are going to be different. That's just the nature of the situation. While one woman may be somewhat overbearing and love to push her man around (yes, there are people like this if you didn't know) another woman (such as myself) would not appreciate a man that is going to allow her to walk all over him, drag him all over the place. Now don't get it twisted, there is a difference between being a pushover and being a punk. Being a pushover is letting me talk you into doing something (not necessarily risky or stupid) you wouldn't normally do just because you like me or care about me so much. Being a 'punk' is letting me make every single solitary decision, allowing every opinion I have to be seen as absolute truth unchallenged. Yes I do love to be right, but having to back up what I say a little bit is fun. I don't want it do be like, "Crystal has spoken." It takes a man to admit that he's wrong, but it also takes one to tactfully point out when I'm not right. It takes confidence to not be a punk, and the most reliable source of confidence is faith in Jesus (which many people don't understand unfortunately).

So I guess one would have to examine the situation a bit further, is the motive for asking "What women want" a way of figuring out how to better oneself to be more attractive to a female? That would work, I guess, if I were shallow enough to say that I liked a dude because he wore AXE instead of TAG. Wearing a body spray is not a self-compromising change to make for the sake of attracting a female. On the other hand if I were to say that I liked dude because he appreciates art, likes basketball, has a sense of humor, watches Girlfriends with me, loves roadtrips and children (all hypothetical)... and you, in turn, endeavor to become these characteristics because this is "what women want" and you feel it would make you more attractive, then that's where the problem comes in. I've always felt that women want a man to be who he is, despite our tendency to have ridiculously high expectations. Be who you are, we'll respect that. The ways of some men are attractive to some women more than others and vice versa. I may not be able to appreciate a wilderness guy as much as the next female, but there's someone out there who could cherish that characteristic. I guess what I'm saying is the point is to be who you are and be confident in who your maker shaped you to be(become). This could account for why I'm single, but I'm really not out here dangling to impress some dude because I heard that "guys like this or guys like that." I've learned that I can't betray who I am. I know I'll change for the better but that change comes from God not from trying to impress a mere human.

Don't get me wrong though... I'm not saying that you shouldn't attempt to step out of your comfort zone (or who you think you are) and do something you wouldn't normally do if your mate or the person you're trying to 'get at' is interested in it, like it's something they love or just something they want to try. That just shows how genuinely interested you are in the person and what he or she is about. That displays a lot more confidence than just up and trying to act like or become someone different.

Hmm... so what was my overall point?? Well just 'be you' without worrying about the expectations of other people. You'll get a lot further with people who matter if they don't have to navigate around a facade to get to the truth of who you actually are, not who you think you should be. Concentrate on becoming a better you based on what's eternally meaningful, not on the whims of people.
Posted on 7.18.2006 at 5:25 PM