Have you ever just wanted to blend in with your surroundings or disappear to somewhere for a while until you get it together? Whoever was the first to say that life comes at you fast really understood. It's not that I'm struggling with the post college transition. I've been able to handle the bills that have come at, but emotionally I'm dealing with some really heavy sh*t. There's really no nice way to say it. I'm really pissed at and deeply hurt by some people, so I've decided they are no longer a part of my life. I guess that's good to an extent. You shouldn't keep ties with people that cause you pain if walking away is an option. Too bad I can't walk away physically, but my educational plans are more important than any other crucialness I have going on. It's positive tho that before all of this came up on me I had begun talking to God daily, multiple times a day like for real. That's never been the situation so if I can use 'happy' to accurately describe how I've felt at anytime during this recent stint I could say I'm happy about that. Other than that I feel like a mess. I'm losing weight because I really don't eat a whole lot and when I do it's not good for me... so that leads to me being easily fatigued which I hope won't translate over much to the class that I'm teaching that I began today (technically yesterday). I wonder sometimes if I can do it, but God doesn't make mistakes. He didn't just put me in that position to fail. I'm not saying that no one ever fails but I do understand that a little adversity leads to growth and He's getting my feet wet... more like throwing me in. My back's really up against the wall and I have no fight of my own left. Maybe I'm dying.
Posted on 6.27.2006 at 12:53 AM
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