Hmm, one could take the title many ways, but I wrote it because I was thinking about Aaliyah's "Try Again."...or maybe I was thinking about how long it's been since I've actually cuddled with someone and I still can't believe I turned down the opportunity on Halloween weekend (yeah I kno, I'm putting it out there) but I keep telling yall that was divine intervention because Lord knows I'm affectionately needy. NEEDY. I'm really tryin not to be whiney too... I was talking to my roomie on AIM and I was like 'i'm cooking, because i have no life, and if i did, i have no one to share it with.' The no one to share it with part is true, but God has great things in store for me... I just need to get to the actualization. Lately its been so HARD to pray. It must be the attitude I've copped lately about myself. I'm just so blah right now and let's not even get into self esteem... it's like zip zero at times, but that's because I'm using the wrong compass(es) and I know that. Am I worse off knowing that I'm using the wrong compasses or would it be worse to not have a clue? I think the fact that I know that I'm being crazy has helped me to not be crazier. I'm really hurting for some true fellowship. I DON'T have it. I know opportunities are in my grasp though. I need to step outside of my comfort zone and just be like "Hey, you wanna grab lunch or dinner.... or hang out sometime?" Fellowship means being there too, and I haven't been there like I should.
Umm, It's not like I read my journal... but I've been thinking for a while that God is trying to transform my writing... I need to stop gripping it, and let go so He can do what He wants with it. If my journals decrease a bit... or end, that's why.
Happy 21st Birthday Cicely!!!
Posted on 11.7.2005 at 10:41 PM
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