So I've realized that a spirit of contentment is COMPLETELY missing from what I call my life. I'm so busy doing the whole grass-is-greener thing that I'm taking my life and the people around me for granted... like I did before, which ended up badly. I don't see how I can continue to whine inwardly about my life when I know things could be exponentially worse, or bad for that matter. I don't have a bad life. I don't know why I insist on acting or feeling like I do. God knows me. He knows what I need, and He provides. Shouldn't that be enough? It is enough but when you take your focus off of God you start lookin around at what everyone else is doing and where you think you should be in life and what you should be doing and who you would be with. That goes completely against the concept of living for an audience of One. If you will live for Him, you will be content with where you are because only His standards are meaningful. It's so easy to get swept into covetousness though, surrounded by people who appear to be living fabulously happy lives... so easy to forget that many people who appear happy aren't and if they are happy, the true source is Jesus. Everyone has a sob story to tell about at least something that's happened in their lives (or is currently happening)... it's usually more than just one experience or circumstance. The key is to get our happiness from an eternal source, well maybe not happiness, deep Joy. I haven't tapped into that dimension of my life yet.
Yesterday I was talking to EB, semi-whining about where I am in life it dawned on me that I was trippin. Well, I already knew I was trippin but I was like, "What advice would I give to one of my girlfriends if she was in my situtation?" Then I was like, crap... I make too much sense I don't want to listen to me either. The thing is... I know what to do, but I seem to be lacking whatever it takes to get me to the next fold. My advice is so rational, so much easier said than done but maybe I've had the opportunity to advise a few friends in this situation just so I could back track and talk to myself about it (which sounds weird). One shouldn't give advice that she can't take herself though. I'll never stop giving advice when asked for it (if I know what I'm talkin about) so I'll listen to what I've been saying to others all along.
I have a very important email to send. I need to pray on it first though...
Guess who actually worked on her Grad School App today... be proud.
Posted on 11.14.2005 at 8:02 PM
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