The boyfriends I've had (as an adult... def NOT counting high school) I have always considered good enough. Particularly at the times in which we dated, they were good for the moment, for where I was in life. I entered these relationships without serious consultation with God. Despite my recklessness, God seems to have allowed these past relationships to serve a purpose of personal growth and certainly introspection. In these instances experienced many of my weakness and personal flaws.
One particular instance brought me into view of a young person living His life for Christ, which presented for me a picture of what that could look like and provided steps and resources (human and material) to help my personal pursuit of Jesus, WHICH ironically, I was so wrapped up in the guy and his Christianity that I didn't work on mine. In fact, it seems that the point of our relationship was for me to experience what I have gone through in the aftermath of it. The aftermath was a dark and chaotic time for me that highlighted my need for a personal relationship with Christ (that was not predicated on the experiences of someone else) and my desire for purpose. It also demonstrated for me a good sense of the man I wanted, by creating a strong standard. Now, don't get me wrong. I have two dads a step dad and biological dad, so I know what a husband and a father looks like. One of my dads represents an excellent example of a husband... which I admittedly use as a blueprint on some levels. I don't think that God wants any less for me than someone who was CLEARLY created to be with me. Trust, I don't translate that into expecting perfection, but that does say that when the man presents himself to me in that light, it will be unmistakably clear as long as I stay in touch with how the Lord speaks to me, know that the man is also doing so, and we also approach Him together.
So yeah, this idea of "good enough." I am convinced (though I don't have the exact scripture references) that just as God expects my best for Him that he does not intend "good enough" for me. He does not expect me to settle for good enough, but instead wants me to wait patiently on Him for who or what is best (I shudder at the thought right now honestly, but maybe I will find someday that His perfect will for me does not include marriage.). Hmm, slight problem though, I'm not patient. At a snail's pace, I am beginning to make peace with the concept of God's timing... but if He gave me the choice right now between waiting or having the intended husband, children, and perfect (according to my gifts) career at THIS moment in life TRUST, I would choose the latter situation.
I'm not used to having to wait for the things I want most, as much of what God has given me in life has come without struggle, my family, good grades, admission to universities, subsequent degrees... I tell you though, this husband/family-of-my-own thing has been a great hang up and has certainly caused me numerous times to question God about His motives "what's really going on here?" Oh, and then there is the growing proportion of boo'd up or married people in my life (that are my age). I'm going to be in TWO weddings between now and March, and that's if no one else asks me [even though I keep SWEARING that I won't be in anyone else's wedding who is not sister, bff, or pif]. Sometimes these happenings leave me feeling like I missed the find a husband and get married memo. Oh, and the Hallmark store is the worst to me sometimes.... I see all these congrats on the engagement, wedding, baby shower, anniversary, etc. cards... and I begin to feel, for a moment, that I'm missing out on huge chunks of life. Then I am reminded, through my vague understanding of God's motives, of obvious probable reasons why none of these things are occurring in my life. Plus it's not about everyone else or my need to compare. Also, I should be on my knees thanking GOD that I don't have a baby right now; because I'll admit that it's an act of God's Gracious hand in my life undoubtedly, particularly for who I was a few short years ago... wooo.
I've done my share of whining, pleading with God about my circumstances and what I'd like to see happen and of acknowledging the clarity He has given me thus far on the topic of a husband. So, God has now upped the ante by challenging the way I think and of how I've operated in the past regarding relationships. Mr. Good Enough, is a glorified manifestation of Mr. Right Now. Sure, Mr. Right Now would naturally connote a man that REALLY is not the answer to relationship question... a skeezer, self-professed goon, someone (in my case especially) that does not acknowledge Jesus Christ; but those Mr. Good Enoughs surely sneak up on you. Mr. Good Enough loves God (or at least appears to), comes from a good family or at least appreciates and respects family and family structure, is doing "something" with his life, ambitious.
Mr. Good Enough may appear at a time when you're tired of struggling with loneliness and the endless seas of potential Mr. Right Nows. Mr. Good Enough is more than a cut above the obvious loser. Mr. Good Enough could be the one!!!! Hmmm.... maybe, but it's so easy to get caught up in his good-enough-ness and the surrounding excitement that you neglect God's voice in the matter and are beyond the point of no return before reaching a Divine verdict. Additionally, the Mr. Good Enoughs, when their entrance is timed jussssst right may result in a complete abandonment of Godly consultation and desensitivity to red flags. And just like that, you've sold out. Sold out by choosing the temporary fix over the dream, over what's promised, Mr. Intended (or Mr. Him, as I lovingly refer to whomever he is). Instead of enjoying the solid satisfaction of a love carefully shaped and designed by God, we quickly seize the moment presented to us. Hey, a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush right?
Well... what if you were honest with yourself and knew that the bird was a quick fix. All your life you prayed for a cardinal, which was waiting in the bush... but you settle for the pigeon in your hand. What if God, instead of just promising you that He would one day give you a cardinal, showed it to you... like, "That cardinal is for you, but now is not the right time. I just wanted you to see that I heard you."? How is that pigeon looking right now? Does the pigeon still hold the same value, or does prioritization take place? The same with Mr. Good Enough (and Mr. Right Now), if you have caught a divine glimpse of Mr. Intended or if God has somehow encouraged the hope that he is out there looking for you and reminds you in a real way that He (God HEARS you and has your best interest at heart), how does Mr. Good Enough look right now? Are you willing to decline the short-term benefits of Mr. Good Enough for the benefit of your shared destiny with Mr. Intended?... or is the further delay of gratification unthinkable? You've been single long enough, why not lunge (yes, LUNGE) at the chance to be boo'd up like "everyone else"? It's a question of priority and value, short term vs. long term, good enough vs. blessed.
Let's take the idea a step further, consider now vs. eternity. The Mr. Right Nows and Mr. Good Enoughs serve as metaphors for the world and all of our addictions (proclaimed or denied). Mr. Intended is our redemption and subsequent eternal life promised through Christ Jesus. In fact, HE is the ULTIMATE Mr. Intended. He urges us to store up our treasures in heaven, which could be similar to placing priority for Mr. Intended over Mr. Good Enough, by waiting patiently and doing what you're supposed to be doing in the meantime. What's frustrating here is that although we must seek Him out, we already have our love letter. We know his inentions. He is a promise, and the more we work at seeking Him, the more of Him we see (or more accurately, recognize).
As many metaphors are, however, this one is imperfect. We can fervently work to build on our relationship with Christ as soon as our hearts, minds, bodies and souls are fixed on doing so. He has already (for many of us) stated his intentions and asked for our hand again and again and again. The offer of a deep and satisfying love is on the table already!... but unfortunately, it's so easy to accept His hand for a while and continue running back to the temporary happinesses that lie within this world or to even worse, mediocrity... "I'm good. I don't need a challenge. I'm already Christian so God and I have an understanding that I can just stay where I am without being tested and trying to grow." Mr. Good Enough IS the personification of mediocrity, of accepting ok when you can strive for and obtain God's BEST for your life, and for pouring you out for the blessing of others. Even if you've only heard stories about Jesus, you KNOW He did not half step. Why should that be ok for us that claim we are trying to be like Him?
So then, as alluded to before, there is a decision to be made on a couple of levels, (1) do I, having caught a glimpse of the promise and potential greatness of Mr. Intended, jump at the chance to have the present Mr. Good Enough and to also seize the Mr. Good Enoughs that are sure to come? or should I hold out patiently in faith of what I've been told and have seen for myself? After all, Mr. Good Enough will never truly BE good enough. (2) Having been made aware of God's promises through His word, and through prayer and in living my short life, do I continue clinging to the world and to spiritual stagnancy and status quo? or do I leap, in this moment of clarity, into the greatness to which I've been called ONLY through Christ Jesus, at last... for indeed tomorrow (or even the next moment) is not promised. Why not now? The glimpse of the possible and of the promised far outweighs the temporary fix.
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Whoa... I just starting writing, seemed like everything went black (no not really) and that's what poured out of my heart. I had no idea that these things I'd been pondering would manifest themselves in this way. It is admittedly far more biographical than you may care to know, so please don't think I'm pointing fingers... not the case at all. Also, if you find yourself thinking "hmm, is she talking about me?" don't assume, ask me.
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