So, I was up until around 5am talking to my bestie online about Jesus. I think we covered some pretty decent ground and I got him to think about some things that he hadn't really had the opportunity to consider. It challenged me, because I had to back up the things that I was saying with scriptural support... and the Spirit helped me immensely.
Then today I woke up late, exactly 14 minutes before my fitness orientation at the YMCA that was scheduled from 11:30am so I RAN around the house like a madwoman trying to get ready. I made it there at 11:31, being that the Y is literally 3 minutes from my place. The orientation was ok. I watched him demonstrate how to work all of the machines the right way. I didn't feel like staying at the gym today and working out because I had so much that I had planned to do. I was going to go home and get things ready to go spend the ENTIRE day at the coffee shop doing school work. I even packed a bag with a cute outfit in case I got invited to go somewhere nice afterwards (man am I a DREAMER.... I need to stop!!!)..... like that was going to happen.
I got to the coffee shop, got a VIP-like parking spot. Got inside and found this great table in a lower traffic area of the shop with less distraction and an outlet beside it for my laptop. I'm like God was looking out for me. This is going to be great. Working at a snail's pace for an hour crouched over my book and laptop I realize that, despite my jacket I'm cold AND my back is hurting. I'm thinking, "I could be doing this at home.... not like I have cable anymore." I leave there and go to my pif's house to do work, which means I watched two movies before going home. I was soooooo unproductive today that I want to cry almost. I am so nervous about everything that I have to get done this week... with work AND school.
I honestly am struggling through my book for one of my classes.... so much to do. I got home and almost finished the book chapter that I was reading and had initially set out to summarize, which proved to be way inefficient. Someone had mentioned that they'd call me today to make sure I got stuff done... but I guess I shot myself in the foot when I texted them earlier about when I got to the coffee shop, when I left, and then a sad text about how my day didn't go so well. I mean, I guess if someone is going to call you, text exchanges shouldn't matter. Two messages went without reply. That's what I get though for stepping out of line a bit I suppose. I'm the queen of jumping the gun, but I promised myself that I'd keep it together.
Oh well. I will dust myself off and continue on with life. I'm soooo wasting my energy anyway. If God wants it to be so then it will. I shouldn't be stressing about it at all. I'm tired of making myself upset over it... so forget it.
I cleaned up my wasteland of a kitchen. I think I'll do my apartment this coming weekend. It is a visual representation of how I feel about my life.... a hot mess. I try not to worry about finishing this program and about raising money for this trip to Guatemala and about GETTING a JOB. I don't want to be stuck at my parents' house with no job. I am an adult. I have enjoyed a degree of autonomy. It pisses me off that after getting two degrees I may be jobless for a long time after graduating. I want to cry. Why did I bother with THIS degree AND Tallahassee, ugh!
And now I'm like WHY did I sign up for the Guatemala trip? That just adds like 100x more stress to my situation right now... especially given the time frame. I think God wants me to go though. It's just against ALL odds right now. I don't have the energy or the time to deal with that until this coming weekend AFTER the conference I have to run on Saturday. Who all is going to help me raise this $1400-1500?? My parents don't even have faith in the situation. I try not to freak out.
But yeah, a pleasant evening this is... I'm going to sleep. God willing I'll wake up tomorrow and it will be better.
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