I felt like writing, so I thought I'd officially discuss my choice to go natural with my hair. I broke the journey (thus far) into sections for people who may be interested, but don't feel like reading all about it all at once.
Background
One day at the end of last July I was in my apartment stressing over how nappy my hair was getting. I hadn't had a relaxer in about 5 weeks and the new growth was becoming unmanageable and unattractive...(my hair grows fast so I used to go about every 4.5 weeks to get a relaxer). I was stressing too, like "How am I going to afford to get it done? How can I time it so that I won't be nappy at the beginning of school? What salon am I going to this time?" See, when I was getting my hair done I didn't believe in letting a homegirl do it because I don't believe in home relaxers with my hair being as thick and curl pattern being so tight. I didn't want to have to cut a homegirl over a relaxer mishap either. In the eyes of many African American women whose hair maybe wouldn't grow as long, I was considered to have semi-good hair... that hair that had a relaxer success story. On the flip side, within about two weeks of having a relaxer, my nap anxiety would come back: "When am I going to schedule an appointment? How am I going to afford it, etc.? I did everything I could to suppress nature. I spent countless hours blow-drying, flat ironing and curling my thick, resilient mane. I say resilient, but really, up close and with top-of-the-line moisturizing treatments, shampoos/conditioners, the best relaxers my hair wasn't resilient at all. As a matter of fact, it was quite dry half of the time no matter what I did. I would get mad when it started to grow. I hated my nappy hair. I hated trying to style the straight hair over it. I wished it would just grow straight, plain and simple. It’s not that I minded having to do my hair. I loved/love combing my hair, but why did nature have to be so frustrating and, at times, depressing? I had been thinking about going natural for about a year and a half. I’d had perms since I was 4 (I sweated in my head so press and curl was not the way to go). A single mother at the time, my mom did not have the time to navigate through my super nappy hair… so she did what she had to do. I pondered this idea of natural hair for a long time, afraid to make the jump because I didn’t know what awaited me on the other side. Was my hair REALLY that nappy? Would I be able to comb it? I loved the fact that I had long hair. As a child I wanted to have long, straight Barbie hair and when my hair was the longest it had ever been (April 2006, right before I cut it just before graduation on May 6) I thought I was on my way to the popular long (mid-to-lower back) hairstyle with ringlets… until I realized that to reach the ideal look, no matter how long my hair got, I’d still have to employ weave at some point. I don’t look down on weave (I’ve worn braids w/ extensions), but there’s a satisfaction a female gets when she can say, “Yes, all of this is mine. No, I didn’t have to buy it.” Could I cope with short hair? Up until that point, the shortest my hair had ever been was up to my ears (during those times before body piercing when I felt like I needed a quick change). In short, I was just scared. How will I look? What will I do with it?
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