slim sleep

well, I fell asleep last night around 11 or 11:15. Little did I know, I would wake up at 3am and not fall back asleep. I tried and tried to sleep but it wasn't happening. I also prayed. I knew I was going to try and go to the CRC this morning for 5:30 anyway, so I guess I'm not salty about it. How could I be anyway? I got 4 hrs of sleep. That's what I'm used to functioning on nowadays... I guess it's just that I had planned to sleep the entire time. It would have been nice. I don't want to sleep in my Human Development class again and I refuse to take a nap in between the gym and work at 10am. It seems like that would make me more prone to taking little cat naps all day. Actually, I know it would. I've already tried stuff lack that. I'm not really a power nap person. I haven't mastered that art. I think that I might actually cook myself some breakfast today, like some eggs. I don't need to buy anymore food out so if I have a good breakfast I should be ok until 3pm when I can actually get back to my room and fix something else. I was thinking about cooking dinner tomorrow night and inviting some folk over... but I'm pretty sure I'll just be here by myself as usual. Well, I'm usually here, but not really by myself because Leslie's usually here. A lot of folk are going to go see the Gospel tomorrow. I thought about going, but I would much rather go as less than an entourage, although I get the idea of a lot of folk going as a group. I'm not sure that I'm up for being around a crowd any time soon. I definitely know that I'm a one on one type of person and if I know that you genuinely don't really care about me and my life than I really don't get that much from being around you. It's not that I'm looking for a point to hang out with people, it can be fun. I'm just so over the superficiality that seems to run the adult world. It's ok to be cordial, but fake and cordial are not one in the same. I'm not writing this as a reaction to someone being fake to me. I've just been thinking about this a lot and I'm not sure that I want to continue being an adult if I'm going to be expected to be fake because that's not me and it won't be me.

What I have to realize(this is totally unrelated to the previous words):

I have to realize the depth of my spiritual neediness and that it is OK to need others... but that's for another entry. I'll tell you one thing though, pride is a serious inhibitor.
Posted on 10.6.2005 at 5:14 AM