Why you gotta be Anonymous??

For a minute it was looking like
I'd end up one of those guys
Spending my whole life
Looking for a special lady to save me
Maybe I'll never be satisfied
Had a couple bad lucks and a couple dimes
Now that I'm looking for you
Why are you so hard to find?

I thought I took one step
I took two back
I'm not even close this time
And thats a fact
All I know is that we'd be the perfect match
So where you at love?
I just gotta find you, yeah.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I first heard Bobby Valentino's new song, I didn't hear the beginning of it so all of the talk about anonymity sounded lame at best. However, once I heard the very beginning of the song while driving one day and actually listened to the lyrics (not initially knowing what song it was) I found that I could identify with what he's saying, only, I desire to be found by Mr. Anonymous. Not to be offensive, but none of the guys actively trying to talk to me right now are what I'm looking for... except maybe the one I've already dated, but who says he's tryna talk to me now? On the flip side there's someone I like, like that who doesn't seem to be responding or necessarily interested. I just go with the flow. What's a girl to do if she's unwanted by those she wants and wanted by those she doesn't want? Can some guys be so oblivious and not notice that their play sister/homegirl is interested in transitioning to another level? I could believe so. I could also believe that such behavior is easier to ignore than to acknowledge and deal with if you're not trying to go there... so I stay in place.

The point is, however, that in the 'game of love' there's only but so much we can do on our own and not end up in a bad situation. I'm really supposed to be looking to God here, asking Him to send me the man that I need. He'll do that in His own perfect timing, but for some reason I flail in the wind unable to let myself rely on that as I anticipate a future alone, no children, no husband. Well, that's my definition. If that's how God wills my life to be I have to be honest and say that as it stands right now I don't want that. It's just that it's not up to me and I have to come to grips with that. Mr. Anonymous is prooooobably not the best thing for me at this current moment being that I have one foot in FL and one still in ATL. I'll probably always try to keep a least a toe in ATL though (I love it so much). Point being, would I reallly want to meet Mr. Anonymous JUSt before I leave ATL and then try to force a long-distance situation based on nearly nothing? I think that would suck more than being alone does, having all the extra strings to worry about. Florida really should be about me focusing on coming into my own as a budding Higher Education Administrator... still significant other support and a bit of distraction would be more than welcome. I need for my sh*t to come together before I can effectively deal with someone else though, unless they're trying to be along for the long haul. I don't think I'll find that ever again though. I don't like how I live at this moment. I want a change.