Lady in Waiting

I'm bored with anticipation, so I thought I'd write a new blog... not sure what about though. It's too late to have second thoughts, but how could I speak up as I round the corner into my last week in GA, at least for a while? What was wrong with speaking up in October? Why did I say something at all? I feel like his reply, and only his reply, will dictate the itinerary of my trip from home and when I leave ATL. I wonder what he thought when he read it, if he's read it all.... if he has read it, is he thinking about it at work? Had he thought it before but just didn't say anything. Maybe he's waiting to break the news to me nicely... trying to figure out how to do that. He's seen me cry before, probably doesn't want a replay. Would I cry though? Probably not. It's only a rejection. It would settle a score and free me up to think in other ways. Why continue to harp on something that isn't there. Why allow that to make things weird? I can pick up, business as usual. Only, why would I act in such a way as to make him think that he was merely an unexplored 'option' to me? That would certainly make me seem insincere, and perhaps the way I've acted up until this point has made me seem insincere in my e-card. Just a girl with a silly crush maybe? I knew that living in the same house with him would make me like him way more or not at all. This is the obvious outcome. Perhaps our other house mate knew something that I didn't, and that's why he was all "Go for it! You never know." He woulda said something right? I mean, if it was an obvious impossibility... like "Are you sure.....? I don't know...." I could be wrong, but common sense says the odds are favorable, but maybe I'm just trying to feel better about this. I don't know how I'll react if I don't get the answer I want to hear. I never said it was love, though, so I'll be fine.