just 4 chicken nuggets... c'mon you can eat more than that, really

my goodness i've lost weight. why have i taken to writing my journals in lowercase letters? is it because i realize that ultimately i am speaking of things that have no substance? or maybe it's just that i'm too tired to capitalize on the details of my life. make no mistakes, i do capitalize Jesus and God and any other divine names and pronouns though, but i'm sure you didn't really want to know that. i wrote another poem last night, it's a part ii to the other poem. i'm going to be like r.kelly and have 5 parts eventually i'm sure... but it's not going to be all the drama. i don't have drama. that's a good thing tho, so i'm certainly not complaining. back to my losing weight tho... i'm in one of my down appetite phases for some reason... it's like i get tired of food for a while. i don't think its an eating disorder because i do eat... i just don't be really feelin the food.. no matter what it is...well there may be exceptions made for seafood, which i don't normally get the opportunity to eat. i hope the new swimsuit i ordered makes it here in time for the weekend. like a dummy i paid entirely too much for shipping in order to expedite its arrival...i'm prepared to accept the possibilty of it not getting here on time tho. i'm going through an interesting transition in my life right now. it's like, what do i do with this new freedom i have found in singularity. i don't mean freedom like let's date everybody, but more like freedom of individuality and at times, opinion. it is very nice. i can almost--but not quite-- see how some people prefer to never marry. As I am feeling around my new life space, I am having to redefine or allow God to define my boundaries and direction. I would say the hardest thing has been to make time for the quiet contemplation I took for granted a few weeks ago. I've gotten so used to the hustle and bustle of my everyday life that I'm always on the go, even when I'm in my room not doing anything. At times I feel like the pied piper of Caldwell, but it is definitely fun and I enjoy the company. Without the support I once had in Sean, I do, however feel (at least for the moment) that I'm teetering off balance and I just need to seek out my Center, God.
Posted on 7.14.2005 at 2:42 PM