Today was a sad day. I think it's getting to me now. I walked around the mall early this afternoon by myself after exchanging the ring I bought last night and dropping it off to get sized to a 4.5. Man my fingers are small. I'm not complaining though. The guy told me he'd have the ring resized by 4pm, but when I got back up there (to Cumberland Mall) at 4:30pm, it still wasn't....so, I put a little pressure on him to hurry up. He did and I was out of there by 4:45 or so. Then I drove to Leslie's. I helped her set up for the party. They pretty much had most of it done though, so I just talked a little. When people started pouring in around quarter to 6, I kinda sunk into a little semi- feeling bad, depressed-like state. I knew my current situation would hit me eventually...well, it really did today. All I wanted to do was just curl up into a ball and sleep or something. I didn't feel like being around a whole bunch of people and I was really wishing that I had just gone home to my mom. She always makes me feel better. She was worried about me being by myself this weekend. I thought I was ok, but I don't even have July 1st plans or anything. All of the holidays I've spent over the past year and a half in ATL have been booked, but I guess I'll just have to be alone for this one. I've been listening to #2 and #4 on Emancipation of Mimi , #12 on Fantasia's CD and #11 on Destiny Fulfilled over and over and over for the past few days. I'd rather sleep than eat. I'm actually grateful that there isn't really anyone living on the floor with me... that way when I go to the bathroom and I've been crying no one has to see me. Hanging out with my friends has made me feel a little better, but I'm still really sad. I really wish I hadn't called today. Mom told me not to, but I couldn't help it. It really hurt me when my phone call was never returned. I don't dare call again now. I've been cured of needing to do that. Calling and not being called back hurts worse than fighting the urge to call. At least my new ring is really pretty. It better be because I'm wearing it at least until next July 1st because of what I've decided. If you know me like that, you already kinda know what I decided. If not, I'm sorry. I've finally matured to the point of not really caring to be friends with everyone. That may sound a little bitter, but it's pointless to know lots of people who really don't know nothing about you. I hate when people ask you how you are doing and then look away and don't wait for a reply. Those people aren't my friends. I admit that I have lots acquaintances that I don't know much about, but gosh darnit when I ask them how they are I MEAN it and I do the unthinkable, I WAIT for an answer and I LISTEN to what they say. If I don't have time to listen to your answer, I just don't ask you. I just say Hey and keep going. Back to my ring though... it's white gold, antique(art deco) style with a teeny tiny diamond. It's really the kind of ring I've always wanted. I'm surprised I was able to afford something like it. If I had easyjournal pro, I'd attach a photo of it...but what the hey. Email me if you would like to see a pic. I can't promise that the diamond would appear in the picture though...lol. But still, it's my first diamond ring and I bought it all by myself. Seems like it will always be like that.
. . .
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then I breakdown and cry
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then I breakdown and cry
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