Change

Change is good, but only when it's for the better, and passive agressiveness is probably about as low as a person can get.

So here I am again, in many ways feeling like I did last semester, only this time I have slightly more knowledge to lean on. Even if it feels like God is pulling away from me, I have learned to take comfort in the fact that he's still there. It's like a little girl learning to ride her bike without training wheels. The girl's dad lets her go, but his guiding hand stays close by. Perhaps that's the most appropriate metaphor. I know He's there, but I can't feel it. I just have to keep faith in His being there, and then maybe I will be able to see and feel Him again. For now, I must focus on maintaining my grip on the proper view of life and the big picture of this trial. The hurt remains but (to quote an awesome writer),"Lord you have stripped everything from me. Not to spite me but to get my attention. Its times like these that I know you are working on me, molding me into the [wo]man I asked for you to make me." I would rather be uneasy and growing as a Christian than comfortable and stagnant. I pray that with this struggle God will point my focus inward, so that I can get a glimpse of things within me that are not of Him and change for the better so that I can stop hurting people that get close to me.
Posted on 3.1.2004 at 1:07 AM