Cambiar

Since the previous journal was a little hype since I was so mad about the events of the day, I figured today's entry needs to be mellow. Contrary to that entry I'm still a happy chica. Also, one of those situations has worked out and I didn't lose a friend over it.

I'm in a good mood right now, because I just finished my African American paper that is due tomorrow, so my weekend has officially started as far as I'm concerned. I'm in my hideout right now. It's like my bat cave. I come here to escape to comfort and be away from things that annoy and bother me. I have really been going through some things lately and I feel like I'm just rebelling from much of what I used to believe was important and how I used to act. I guess part of it has to do with how I was treated by some folk earlier this year, but I just have my priorities straight now and I no longer care about what's going on with everyone else cuz I have my own agenda. I'm discovering the kinds of things I like to do and parties aren't my thing anymore. I just don't feel them like I used to. This all feels very weird tho, because anyone who knew me last year can tell you that I was gung-ho about going to almost all the parties and being as social as possible. Now, no one knows me anymore. I like it this way, I want to blend in and eventually emerge as who I really am because no one knows who the real Crystal is. I have the feeling that most people at Tech will never know who the real Crystal is, but I don't care because that's not important. Many people say that college is a time where you find yourself as an individual, well this year I've delved into that definition and things about me are certainly changing, but I'm not the one changing them. I feel as tho God is slowly tellin me who he wants me to be (well at this point He's showing me who he doesn't want me to be). He's stripped away a lot of elements that used to be prominent in my life and its a weird feeling, but I know that He has everything planned out. I'm happier now because I know he's the only being I have to answer to and I don't have to be anyone or anything in particular for anybody else...
Posted on 11.6.2003 at 9:57 PM