I always cry

I always cry when I leave home (Atlanta or Augusta... doesn’t matter which) to drive back to Tallahassee, back to school... back to here. Try as I might to enjoy being here, the positives (the couple of friendships I’ve made, my adorable staff members) are unable to outweigh my unhappiness.

I won’t claim that I was happy when I got here. I know it’s not that bad here. It’s not bad... maybe just bad for me? I don’t know if I purposely do it or I just can’t, but I can’t seem to get connected to this place and see it as more than a pit stop in my journey of things I want to accomplish. I say, you can be anywhere for two years.

I often wonder if I made the wrong decision in coming to FSU, but deep down I know that all of my strife and uncomfortable-ness will pay off once I graduate from our awesome program. And like I said, I’ve made a couple of friends. I don’t regret coming to FSU I guess... or even Tallahassee (as much as I dislike it). I just wish I were happy here.

I understand that, even with all the external and situational factors that I feel are weighing me down, happiness is really a state of heart. I feel happy at home with my family, because my heart is full. They are the closest I’ve come to completion on this earth.

But I wonder when I will make the time to look up... Most of the time i feel like I’m just wasting away here and have little look forward to...and I spend my time anticipating the next time I get to leave or graduation.

It has to get better.