Have you ever been so out of touch you didn't know what you felt? I am so out of touch with my heart that I can't tell what's wrong with it specifically. On a broad perspective the answer to what's wrong with me is [that I'm] hiding and holding back my heart from God. It's like covering up and nursing an infected wound that needs healing ointment to even hope to get better. I don't know what to plead for because I don't know my heart specifics but surely I haven't asked. There's so much wrong and hurt in there... all tightly packed into a clenched fist of insecurity, standoffishness and hardened sensitivity. I'm tired of being alone. I want to be complete but I don't know how to reach out and appeal to the help of the nonphysical, heavenly realms. I have little faith but do I really have anything more to lose right now?? I'm no longer bright-eyed and hopeful. It feels like those closest to me are slipping away. . .
Posted on 11.13.2006 at 3:59 PM
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