...but as soon as I get over the jab from one person here comes a left hook. I know I'm not supposed to expect anything from anyone but God, but it humanly natural to expect at least one or two people to vouch for you... and sometimes they do but having someone's back ALL the time would be an act of perfection. Who am I to demand or expect perfection from anyone? Isn't it safer to believe the truth, people are people and they let you down. I'll be let down a lot more times in my life and I'll let people down a lot more times before I die. That's just real. Naturally that hurts and it seems to me that we shouldn't look to those that hurt us to deal with our hurt, that's God's job.... but why is that so easy to forget?... so easy to forget the transgressions others make against us. On the other hand I do think my fair-weather-friend quota is about full. I'm tired of people that can only deal with and appreciate me when I'm sunny and cheery and don't seem to care to dig deeper... maybe if you did you'd see all the ish I been struggling with the past few months.... but once again that's not your job, to deal with my heart. Ironically though, I've apparently been charged with the duty of listening to your struggles so much so that you may think you share an intimate friendship with me that's really unilateral, but maybe you simply haven't been charged with the duty of knowing and listening to me, dealing with my heavy. On the other hand it's probably mostly me, withholding myself because I'm tired of putting myself out there heartwise and recoiling back in pain. There's only one safe outlet for me and He's listening out for me 24/7, waking and sleeping... I need only to break the silence.
Posted on 11.14.2006 at 11:41 PM
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