Time Tithing

Yeah, so I got to work ON TIME this morning. I am so proud of myself, but I know it wasn't me because I didn't wake myself up the 5th time, and I had forgotten to make sure the alarm clock was on snooze and not simply off. Oh well, I'm here and I get here at 7:58 instead of my pitiful 8:05am. Oh well. I can honestly say I am not too happy right now. I feel like I am being pulled a whole bunch of different directions. When I planned out my summer I obviously left out time for myself, so every extra thing that comes up annoys me. The fact that I can't go home on whatever weekend I want to gets on my nerves. The meetings at Destiny, the teacher class, I am so not feeling it right now. If I didn't think it was just a result of laziness, I would step down from my position, but I know there is a reason God has me doing what I'm doing, and I need to just step up to the plate. I just don't feel passionate about it. I'm not excited about the RC Sproul book or anything. Yeah, it will be over soon (the class) but then there will be something else. All of the time I put in is an act of love for God and for the middle school students of Destiny. On the other hand, my lukewarmness to this whole thing sickens me. It's all about me and how I'm being inconvenienced and what I don't feel like doing rather than me doing what I should be doing. The whole idea of waking up early every day of the week is getting to me a little bit. Can I at least have Saturday? As a Christian, I need to realized that I'm not entitled to a day off. Then maybe that's the point I need to learn. If I get to the point where I no longer expect being able to chill and have a break, then I won't notice that I don't have breaks anymore. It's a shame that I have time to work at WCHO and fulfill my CA duties (which I actually am not doing because I haven't planned any programs and I don't care all that much) but I haven't set aside time for God first or at all. If I treated my time like I treated my money, maybe it would be easier to give God at least ten percent. I mean he is entitled to at least that right. If giving my time is tithing, then he should get the first of my time and not what I have left over and what I have been giving him is something like 10 percent of time that has already been spent and an unfocused mind. That's just not going to cut it. How can I expect Him to be glorified in my life and to listen to me when I pray and to answer MY prayers when I KNOW that he's always tapping my soul's shoulder(if it has one) and whispering in my ear "can I talk to you please?", "Crystal spend some time with me, just a few moments." I just sit there and keep doing what I'm doing...or doing what I'm not doing rather not realizing that any time that I have belongs to God anyway so I might as well give Him the best of it. He can just take it away when he wants. It certainly doesn't belong to me. I keep making the mistake that my time is mine and maybe the lesson here is that if I want to invest is my relationship with God then I need to offer up one of the things that's most important to me. I am not saying that I don't care at all about the money I tithe, but if I were to tithe time it would impact me a lot more, especially now when I don't HAVE time to spare. If I have learned one thing it's that I should give Him all I have and not what I have out of excess, so the time I choose to spend with Him this summer would be all that I have to offer up. I don't just have time laying around. Time certainly doesn't grow on trees. Thing is, HOW can I remind myself of this when I don't feel like performing time-sensitive Club 4:12 duties. I mean I say duties, but right now they feel more like "obligations" to me and that's not how I should feel about it. I know all of this is for a reason, but my "self" is blocking my view and distorting the reality of things seen because it's in the foreground of my biographical portrait. I don't know if this makes sense, but this is how it all made sense in my head. It just gets a little scary when my thoughts are materialized into words. Ok, this is all I can say right now, but I feel like a lot of that was revealed to me by God as I spoke.


That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it.~Hebrews 4:14-16
Posted on 6.2.2004 at 7:09 AM