Coming Toward...

"I'm so bored of little gods while standing on the edge of something large while standing here so close to You, we could be consumed...what a glorious day..." David Crowder


This is a wonderful time of my life. I've been reading the bible daily for the first time ever. I started reading Purpose Driven Life, and I've come to find out that many other people have started reading it...on the same day I started even. God is using that book and I want to be apart of it. I am so blessed and even when God's presence doesn't seem so tangible in my life I can no longer deny its existence. I am just so anxious to know what His purpose for my life is, but I know that He will place it on my heart when I am ready (by his standards) so I just need to be patient and grow in my knowledge of Him and he will help me understand. For the first time in my life, a close relationship with God has finally become tangible to me. Before, I was so discouraged and unbelieving, but to see all of this happening in my life now is amazing to me and strenghens my faith. Before, I was completely lost and in the dark and now the Lord has truly become a lamp unto my feet and slowly but surely I am finding my way to Him,and the more I learn, the wider the beam of light becomes and the more I see and understand about the people and things around me as well as everything I do. Today I read that every action in my life on earth has an impact on my life in eternity. The metaphor was that of a piano and strings: life on earth would be as short as the action of striking a key, but eternity is paralleled with the reverberating strings that are on the inside of the piano (when you hold the pedal down). hmm maybe I'm not as clear as I want to be, but I hope that's not too muddy.

My person has just been so supportive of me as I search and seek to learn more about God. Sometimes I feel like I don't bring much to the table in our discussions about "Purpose Driven Life" but I guess that's ok. I'm just glad to have the opportunity to share this experience with someone that understands me and that can help me understand and realize more, and God-willing, perhaps I may be a blessing to him also.

*~freewrite~*
I was alone in a darkened world
Losing sight of a wonder I never saw
Deeper into depression I fell
Turning to myself for answers
"Me, Myself and I is all I got in the end..."
I fooled myself into thinking that was something to live by
I realize now that if that were true,
We'd all be messed up.
You'd call me and I wouldn't listen
I could have died that one Spring day, but You saved me.
I received your Spirit
But I didn't let it settle in my heart
and again I turned away, had the nerve to run
Until I thought I rid myself of You.
Little did I know I was hurting myself too.
Doing what I was doing creating a ravine between us...
I fell into sin and lost sight of everything...
Even the desire to live.
What's living if you don't know why you're alive?
God why didn't You kill me that day we flipped over?
I cried.
I knew there had to be a reason,
Still I pushed You away fighting off inevitability.
Then...
I crashed.
The many fragments of my life became too much too much
So many nights I cried my eyes dry
until no tears remained
Calling out to who?!
Still searching for that "voice within"
Instead of filling the VOID within
Smiles mask the pain but EYES NEVER LIE
I was at my end...
Then once again you stepped in,
But this time was different.
This time, I grabbed your hand
Like a small child with a tiny fist
Wrapped around her daddy's finger.
You called my name and saved me.
Breathing life into me, freeing me
I'm different now, I never want to be who I was...
My fairytale romance became real
And I'm here to tell you
There is NO greater love.
Jagged Edge Gotta Be,
But I gotta be with Jesus.
Posted on 1.9.2004 at 4:23 AM