I'm so sick of things like "mandatory fun" and organizational meetings. You know, the things that "adults" are supposed to do. I didn't know that being an adult could be such a drag and that more worldly freedom in actuality means more chains. Like, the more I can do in this world. The more I can afford to join and my accessiblity to go places is doing more to hold me down than to release me... So, to the extent that I can, I release all of it. No more mandatory celebrations and functions. I will go to these things if I want to. When I am so led, I will do community service from the heart and not out of obligation. I do have a heart... I should give God more direct control. I don't know why I chose to write about this today. Maybe I just feel strapped in and tied up and like my life is leading me in many ways instead of Jesus, at least some times. I am tired of losing sight of what I'm supposed to be doing because of stuff I've signed up for. I'm just not going to put up with it anymore. I think my desire to be involved is over. I do the housing thing and the OMED tutoring thing so I can eat at a decent restaurant regularly and pay to get my hair done about every weeks or so(which is expensive as ever out here in the ATL), plus I like to spoil my little girl (my baby sister) because I can and my parents can't or she'd become a brat. The small group and talking to Danny and Sean about how to be a missionary where God has placed me are the most important things going on in my life right now. Between those things, working for housing, tutoring 4 times a week for 2hrs at OMED, taking care of my health and going to school I feel like God has given me balance. God has really blessed me, this semester especially he has. I feel like I might actually be easing into a niche of what my life at the moment is supposed to be. He's given me what I asked for, that balance. This semester I am taking the same amount of classes and I don't feel like a headless chicken. I am so thankful for that and for the people's He's placed in my life to grow with spiritually. I'm just so happy right now. I mean inspite of my bad days and the fact that I have biology ( :o) ) I'm one happy chick. I guess the thing is, I've finally figured out what I was supposed to. This earthly life is really just a thing. All things will pass away. My spiritual life, personal relationships and making it my life's work proclaim the Good News of Jesus Christ in some way are really all that matters. I'm starting to see that now. I am pretty sure I haven't grasped the full implications of that, but God's slowly unveiling my eyes concerning that issue. I refuse to let worldy obligations and stuff(literally) stress me out.
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