The Story of My Life...

So, as it has happened repeatedly for the past 2 years, it appears that I have been dropped by a guy, yet again. The guys always seem so promising and into me and like they want to get to know me... then they throw promises out here and they break them. Then they drop me like a hot potato (maybe I'll think of a better simile later). No one understands just how alone I am. I mean when it comes to work I have all the support I could ask for with my supervisors and with my staff, but when I shut the office door and get home.... it's really just Me, Myself and I.

Now, people will argue you into the ground saying "oh, I'm always here for you" or "call me if you need me" but really when it boils down to it, NO one is trying to listen to the iSH that you have going on in your life because they are dealing with their own iSH. Everyone wants to be heard, but no one really has the time or energy to listen and actively help... and in my case, no one has the capacity to really understand how all of this iSH is affecting me. I feel like I'm about to burst regarding my personal life. I'm so freaking alone, so isolated with no real advocate. My would-be advocates have their own lives to tend too, my family as well... plus they're not here. I'm soooo tired of coming home to me all the time and not having anyone to call and say "Hey, let's kick it" I mean, why am I even here? Why am I breathing? I feel so worthless. I feel like there is no point to my life right now, even though I've decided to work toward this degree. I no longer want to be in Tallahassee without any support, but even in Atlanta, the reality was that I was by my damn self and I learned that in my last year there. No one fuqhing cared, not really. I mean they cared, but not enough to stop with their empty affirmations and promises that things would get better. If I've learned anything it's that humans can't promise me shyt... not even my momma. Everyone will let you the fuqh down. I'll let people down as well also. No one's perfect, but damn... alone though God really. Why didn't I try to go to UGA? At least I could drive home and not deal with all of this. I mean is anyone EVER going to be down with me enough to not RUN when I'm dealing with real issues? No. I don't think that's going to happen again. Adult issues are too complex.